tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45428329512764065692024-02-07T13:43:46.696-05:00Old School Journaling Meets New Age BloggingLife's meanderings, wonderings, inspiration...sending it out to the great "marketplace of ideas."
Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.comBlogger148125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-30117484882317514702022-08-14T12:05:00.010-04:002022-08-14T21:57:26.658-04:00Ripe Tomatoes and Blackberry Jelly?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxc1UuLiXlzSzjhLmsQOJZo0VS-h-uEuDT8QyympZej_kWF3bX8V5c75B3r_rHHAUckxpdlJKKRKGWLYsPONvXXbYE5Dc6obvzYD-hZqV06JC9BEzQz-P7qvUGpa-fGTPPL8gyngLTpckUwxeviKJBGF8tZoER27z-YJAp1UHGSfZn_YBgj8XJ1kcZ/s3467/me%20in%20rain.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3467" data-original-width="2741" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxc1UuLiXlzSzjhLmsQOJZo0VS-h-uEuDT8QyympZej_kWF3bX8V5c75B3r_rHHAUckxpdlJKKRKGWLYsPONvXXbYE5Dc6obvzYD-hZqV06JC9BEzQz-P7qvUGpa-fGTPPL8gyngLTpckUwxeviKJBGF8tZoER27z-YJAp1UHGSfZn_YBgj8XJ1kcZ/s320/me%20in%20rain.jpg" width="253" /></a></div><p>Today held great promise when I jumped out of bed around 5 am. I waited for daylight, so that I could work in my garden and get some things done outside. When it was light enough to get a move on, I sprang into action with my loppers and basket to work on my blackberry bushes. They’re spent for the season, but still working hard to produce a few last plump and ripe berries. </p><p>The western sky bore a dark backdrop with the sunrise in the front creating a really cool looking sky. I went to work fast cutting old branches to make way for next year’s foliage. The raindrops were slow at first but came on quick. And I hastily retreated inside. </p><p>My middle son was headed out the door to work while I was looking out front eyeing some ripe tomatoes I’d planned to pick. On impulse, I grabbed his vintage umbrella and a basket and followed him out the door. By then it was pouring, but he snapped a pic of me standing in the rain from his car and I stepped over my fence and into the garden. I managed to snip about a dozen tomatoes filling my basket and was so glad the ac was off in the house and I came back inside to a room full of warm air. </p><p>Of course I needed to scramble some eggs and cut up a fresh tomato slice for breakfast. And showing my age, I posted a couple of pictures on Facebook. Which is the reason for my blog today.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJTOuHln2tlEexMZOucsALMQeT8bvlg0eLGPvYSYN9xE-xw-7cpuwX9QAtf21jkXtCe9GlVqRZmDaoc-0ifY4qTy-VEH6qtmmDIIDkbEb9YGOqTfqDjTRnReJcoPiTax2ZfpoDQOhun4CY5kzWahcqxO2Hl9yGkgviSBrgRls4dC7uDUWi7mQBdE9U/s4032/maters%20in%20rain.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJTOuHln2tlEexMZOucsALMQeT8bvlg0eLGPvYSYN9xE-xw-7cpuwX9QAtf21jkXtCe9GlVqRZmDaoc-0ifY4qTy-VEH6qtmmDIIDkbEb9YGOqTfqDjTRnReJcoPiTax2ZfpoDQOhun4CY5kzWahcqxO2Hl9yGkgviSBrgRls4dC7uDUWi7mQBdE9U/s320/maters%20in%20rain.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p>I started thinking about my Mary Poppins-ish posts of every day ordinary life and how I feel compelled to share just how extraordinary it all is. It occurred to me I might be presenting some kind of life that seems too idyllic. And am I really suggesting that there isn’t anything that can’t be solved by ripe tomatoes or blackberry jelly? I’m not a Facebook Fantasy post kind of girl. So I need to set the record straight.</p><p>My life is anything but perfect. I’m kinda over the whole death and dying chapters of late (having lost a brother last year and my mom last month). I get that for everything there is a season. I’m just ready for some of the more favorable headwinds and calmer weather. </p><p>I make sugar cookies out of shit balls (an observation made by someone later in my life). It’s true. I’ve spent my life coloring things with more brightness and warmth than what was actually transpiring. And as with everything, I think it requires balance lest we don a pair of rose colored glasses that permanently cast shade on reality. Balance for everything in life. Good and bad, light and dark…even life and death.</p><p>That’s a more challenging task when reality feels like being in a batting cage and the auto loader is lobbing said shit balls at 90 mph in 5 second intervals. </p><p>I wake up anxious most days. I feel lost at times. If I believed there was a “normal” for anyone, I’d be looking for what my new one looked like. </p><p>It’d be easy to give in and fall into a rabbit hole, lost with inner turmoil and no direction. I won’t. I refocus every day. </p><p>I look around at my beautiful life and instead of looking at what’s missing, I am just so fucking thankful for everyone who shows up every day…not just the humans. My cats, my dog. My blackberry bushes that when I take a picture just right, there is a quintessential rural barn in the distance. It’s not mine. Not sure there’s anything in this life we really own save our own self and identity. And arguably, we sometimes perform like shape shifters and chameleons mirroring people and settings we move in and out of. I find myself with less patience or inclination to change colors for anyone or anything these days. Showing my age...again.</p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJMmS5b_vmDBHt1zPyEbKVmUAE7Q3R1w5XSB_4jk3dFpxV5SVysKlWQcRfhkM-7i34_Yqc0L35spBhFQaweIrdBfGxC3n4Wu7Oq8hKKrt19RQT8y-wcoAFBoenVzNWSX7ZceEh2c87Fr_Z2MlWx78gzSd6fTkFFP6-9V1318gmnLLFgIAsbwOMNkhG/s4032/balckberries%20bush.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="263" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJMmS5b_vmDBHt1zPyEbKVmUAE7Q3R1w5XSB_4jk3dFpxV5SVysKlWQcRfhkM-7i34_Yqc0L35spBhFQaweIrdBfGxC3n4Wu7Oq8hKKrt19RQT8y-wcoAFBoenVzNWSX7ZceEh2c87Fr_Z2MlWx78gzSd6fTkFFP6-9V1318gmnLLFgIAsbwOMNkhG/w197-h263/balckberries%20bush.jpg" width="197" /></a></div><br />I borrow that image of the barn for my picture (can you see it?). It instantly brings to mind a moment in July when the berries are ripe, the sky is a stunning blue and the sun is so brilliantly shining I have to shield my eyes to take it all in. The heat of the sun sinks into my skin so deep and heavy I can feel it all the way down to my soul and it makes my heart sing like no other experience can. In that moment, my imperfect life is miles away. And like that Tibetan saying goes, I am taking care of my minutes because I know the years will take care of themselves. <p></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPLFTW53d7d1egw9PRY0dV_KxzuMK62lyRgHuJ1sb55TJ5nT2TKXgStC3FxWQngWYRfVzZ-Sr9XWzf_zIiOqHp30i6UhfARZJxz4bBn1OY5Sr3aPWY0QclPhleLAzLVOorznddH2VyTN97SUxdmHz4JyIZY_fRtLhVjHNlbFn1puAknr7mMuTAQOya/s3024/tunnel.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="2472" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPLFTW53d7d1egw9PRY0dV_KxzuMK62lyRgHuJ1sb55TJ5nT2TKXgStC3FxWQngWYRfVzZ-Sr9XWzf_zIiOqHp30i6UhfARZJxz4bBn1OY5Sr3aPWY0QclPhleLAzLVOorznddH2VyTN97SUxdmHz4JyIZY_fRtLhVjHNlbFn1puAknr7mMuTAQOya/w223-h272/tunnel.jpg" width="223" /></a></div><p>I like to play the part of the Wizard sometimes. I'm behind the curtain pulling a few strings or rather transforming a few shit balls again. If you see my magical tunnel filled with dangling gourds, mini pumpkins, and tomatoes, delicately hung like ornaments on a Christmas tree, the reality is actually two cattle panels and a few T posts held together by some heavy duty zip ties. Hell, that describes my life most of the time! I'm what you'd call unskilled labor and yes, a late bloomer of sorts (that keeps blooming I hope). I try...fail...try again...and learn. I'm more than happy to admit ignorance if someone else has a better idea or can teach me something I don't already know (especially if it adds sparkle and more magic to my already purpose filled life).</p><p></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSKv729v-NQPG1Mg16pSTyoeUKLOE4x79cmcMMOK8Xr_FVFlO36VkIeH90bYXVnxG3q_EmY0pSJgWQnu-QREdytuBKevnSr2xKrCXjZtTq5xBH2B6rcK7CkRk3F0hpYRnKTvsMU_pcBXWPy7xGuPOR4mfFw6WOokDsahoEiCoZMWcaKd6gSdL05vzD/s4032/living%20art%203.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="153" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSKv729v-NQPG1Mg16pSTyoeUKLOE4x79cmcMMOK8Xr_FVFlO36VkIeH90bYXVnxG3q_EmY0pSJgWQnu-QREdytuBKevnSr2xKrCXjZtTq5xBH2B6rcK7CkRk3F0hpYRnKTvsMU_pcBXWPy7xGuPOR4mfFw6WOokDsahoEiCoZMWcaKd6gSdL05vzD/w115-h153/living%20art%203.jpg" width="115" /></a></div><p>The plants I’ve been gifted or started as cuttings have been transplanted countless times because they keep outgrowing their pots. I have returning “volunteer” squash covering my backyard that I am turning into a sort of living art scene with big cushaw squash growing up on my deck boards and around my table and railings. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIIOIfGi9wj5BPNks53OwGjlzcc-qejVod0y-sv2GcqDMkZlg8gOPZsGVaUiTNOLJn3W8cRDiIwB3-76_M4DEU0AeSTzJOhqEiDM5Ri0TgJBB2yVVFe7HQ0_l_PQ0nzWwJ6xdxqQ357mF08d2fQOT8gDLT8ZPle2nxfWFM4zdxj11rRHROZOQBKtkW/s4032/squash%20in%20yard.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="186" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIIOIfGi9wj5BPNks53OwGjlzcc-qejVod0y-sv2GcqDMkZlg8gOPZsGVaUiTNOLJn3W8cRDiIwB3-76_M4DEU0AeSTzJOhqEiDM5Ri0TgJBB2yVVFe7HQ0_l_PQ0nzWwJ6xdxqQ357mF08d2fQOT8gDLT8ZPle2nxfWFM4zdxj11rRHROZOQBKtkW/w140-h186/squash%20in%20yard.jpg" width="140" /></a></div><p></p><p>I find that when big life things happen, it cracks you wide open. Sometimes you wallow, sometimes you throw yourself into something new…and sometimes you admit that despite your best efforts, you are still not okay and sit with that for a minute. I’m better because I let myself be not okay. I ask for help if I need it. I know this is a sliver of time when my defenses are down. I’m more vulnerable on the outside than what is my comfort zone. I’m sharing today in a gush of emotions because it’s been a long time since I’ve wanted to. </p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgodXf4ULx6F-H7cEL8_xHZ9Q5wgDxIWaB6-XLjmRoh5VDqQeB1ywVSUVDOleI4o6Qrbp3ITKF9IVJf5rFYU8KC9aMatK9np8j9p3bXcVh9hnYFRYegZHCBgTpFGs_brS-8qmhgQTG9gBTkiSYQULIjf58irt4ExzUIRk1RIVvpTxTtZoJyLgNNHoDb/s4032/living%20art%201.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="163" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgodXf4ULx6F-H7cEL8_xHZ9Q5wgDxIWaB6-XLjmRoh5VDqQeB1ywVSUVDOleI4o6Qrbp3ITKF9IVJf5rFYU8KC9aMatK9np8j9p3bXcVh9hnYFRYegZHCBgTpFGs_brS-8qmhgQTG9gBTkiSYQULIjf58irt4ExzUIRk1RIVvpTxTtZoJyLgNNHoDb/w122-h163/living%20art%201.jpg" width="122" /></a></div><p>I love the idea that like plants, we can keep growing so long as we don’t restrict growth in pots that become too small for our roots to expand. We’ve got the whole fucking universe to work with here…any constraints you find yourself bound in are self-inflicted and easily remedied. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p>So coming back to where I started…do ripe tomatoes and blackberry jelly fix everything? No, but they will fill your belly and feed your soul. And they're an excellent start. Happy gardening in life or whatever interest makes your heart sing!</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixhgyPmiqhdRI_kbJUbsLYNmelJzWSRjR5Q0ANDWA--04EXAl5u6eSyepj_Hvgan_3MsegWMfG1bUcWqi_lKeZNC3OwJz91OFAfOodxbQHn1fyH_NwpbSS2aw6gOvcjZhUoACNxFoOUvNJ2SJeXt5GfcLvbNc5GnCla37JhS4u7kuTl1zfLs0xlSFK/s790/blackberry%20tomato.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="790" data-original-width="592" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixhgyPmiqhdRI_kbJUbsLYNmelJzWSRjR5Q0ANDWA--04EXAl5u6eSyepj_Hvgan_3MsegWMfG1bUcWqi_lKeZNC3OwJz91OFAfOodxbQHn1fyH_NwpbSS2aw6gOvcjZhUoACNxFoOUvNJ2SJeXt5GfcLvbNc5GnCla37JhS4u7kuTl1zfLs0xlSFK/s320/blackberry%20tomato.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><br /></p><p>#Facebookfantasydebunked #thisisliving</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-43150613133137258042022-08-06T21:05:00.002-04:002022-10-17T14:21:11.589-04:00I Owe You<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS0mAjo87tKqv2B1qjMJ7VCVOi_WkcIqDoyrBLXq1NwaTrokEvf8kbG6dz6MuqllqV7hfWAoiRdKcSWQBkrO2hvRndFw-ALCgD8rRxbYyzjP1-964j1TyVY_6je_r9UIbdl7t0V1XPeha6_7G75A-WjbJqRDoiHhs7B4Vjk2lvBO8fu05OvX7BhXFn/s400/mom%20pic.jpeg" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0px; text-align: center;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="308" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS0mAjo87tKqv2B1qjMJ7VCVOi_WkcIqDoyrBLXq1NwaTrokEvf8kbG6dz6MuqllqV7hfWAoiRdKcSWQBkrO2hvRndFw-ALCgD8rRxbYyzjP1-964j1TyVY_6je_r9UIbdl7t0V1XPeha6_7G75A-WjbJqRDoiHhs7B4Vjk2lvBO8fu05OvX7BhXFn/s320/mom%20pic.jpeg" /></a>
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My mom passed last week after a long struggle with dementia. A few people asked that I post this online. I’m not sure how much it will resonate because it is so specific to my relationship with my mom, but sharing in case helpful to anyone else:
I’ve been going through mom’s pictures this week. You can see them around the room here. I think maybe I didn’t know her as well as I thought I did. For as much as she confided in me and shared secrets no one else knew, all these pictures tell a much bigger story than just my part as her daughter. <div><br /></div><div>She raised kids over the span of four decades. I have memories of mom when we were all a family and lived together…mom and dad and my three brothers at the time. Mom and Dad used to take us to Madison Bowl and we would be turned loose to play in the arcades and throw mostly gutter balls when it was our turn. We didn’t have a lot of traditions, but bowling was one I remember. And of course, weekend trips to the farm to pretend we weren’t city kids and fish and run and play in the creek beds. </div><div><br /></div><div>There were no timeouts for bad behavior. If we stepped out of line, mom could effortlessly take a drag from a cigarette with one hand and smack the back of our head with the other and never miss a beat. With those same two hands, she wrangled four kids in crowded stores, piled us into a station wagon, and anywhere else the Niehaus clan had to be. Mom chose to be a Niehaus for fifteen years. Later in life, she often talked about wishing she had finished her lifetime with a single marriage. She even thought of herself as a widow when our dad passed in 1995. And you better believe we laughed about that. I’m not rewriting history now, but I’m just sentimental enough to want to remember her dream even if it was a complete departure from reality. </div><div><br /></div><div>Mom was always an extrovert. She loved to be the center of attention. I think that might run in the family, but I’m not going to mention any names. She loved dressing up and long before there was something called a “selfie,” she was striking poses for random pics every chance she got. I was kind of an awkward teen and the contrast between my Harper Valley PTA, tight jeans and big boobed momma and me as a flat chested bean pole was comical. She was a tough act to follow. And even though at the time I was mortified when she would march into junior high for an open house in her cowboy boots and platinum blonde hair, I can see now that she was just living life and enjoying her youth. I remember the guys in my class hanging out the window whistling at her. Just as clearly as I can see that smile on her face looking up briefly in acknowledgement because we all want to feel beautiful and appreciated. And we sometimes see that self-worth and where that beauty is derived from differently when we’re still growing into the person we want to be. </div><div><br /></div><div>We didn’t have a typical mother daughter relationship. Does anyone? We didn’t have a parent child relationship either. Especially after mom and dad divorced. We moved around a few times and I became her best friend and trusted confidant. There are things she told me that I wish I could forget and there were things that changed my life forever in knowing. My sister, Cindy, was probably the biggest and best secret she told me about when I was 12 years old. And then again, finding out that I was going to be a big sister as a sophomore in high school. At 15, I witnessed the birth of my brother, Mike. </div><div><br /></div><div>When mom went into labor with him, it was the first time I’d ever been around someone giving birth. We have this nervous laughter thing in our family. When something is uncomfortable, if something hurts or someone is hurting, or when we simply refuse to feel anything, we freaking laugh until we cry. Big belly laughs that leave our sides cramping and tears running down our faces. Nothing calls for that kind of laughter like seeing your mom’s vajaja sprawled out in stirrups, with your future baby brother’s redhead pushing out! </div><div><br /></div><div>Mom never was someone who cried very much. So when she had these waves of emotion every two minutes, I didn’t know what to do. One minute she’s apologizing for yelling and then the next she would break back out with, “Nurse! Nurse!” There really was only one choice for me. I laughed hysterically on and off until he was born hours later. Especially when I had to help with her bedpan. I was trying to walk it into the bathroom to empty it, but I was shaking and nervous. And it ended up all over the wall instead of flushed down the toilet. Mom and me laughed about this for years. All I’d have to do is say, “Nurse…Nurse” and we’d immediately start laughing. </div><div><br /></div><div>While I was working on finding the perfect dress for mom this week, I thought about the time she thought she was dying when I was in middle school…I can’t remember what the health scare was that time, but she told me it was imminent. Over a grilled cheese sandwich and soup at the lunch counter at Woolworth’s, we began planning her funeral. It really was a WTF moment…one of many. We spent the next couple of hours walking around the dime store, picking out gawdy earrings and hats for her funeral. And we laughed until we cried again and again. Just so you know. I went against my mother’s wishes and decided to forego the red boa she requested back then. </div><div><br /></div><div> We don’t have time to swap all the stories that cover an entire lifetime. So it is without malintent if I’ve missed or slighted anyone. Mom really was one of a kind. And love her or hate her, if she was your mom, you still loved her.</div><div><br /></div><div>She could do anything with a pair of sunglasses, a pack of cigarettes, and a head full of curlers tucked under a scarf. Whether it was lottery tickets, yard sales, or a Lucy-like scheme, she went all in every time. There was a running joke when she’d start in on her latest get rich scheme. I’d be like “Lucy…you’ve got some ‘splaining to do.” It was dysfunctional as all get out. But somehow it was exactly as it was supposed to be. I wouldn’t be who I am today if she hadn’t been who she was raising me. </div><div><br /></div><div>A lot of people don’t know I almost didn’t graduate high school let alone college. We moved four times in five years, changing schools four times. My junior year, I started Simon Kenton when we moved back to the farm…again. I decided one morning I was done trying. I did not share my mom’s outgoing extroverted personality. When it was time to get ready for school and get on the bus, I stayed in bed. I expected no resistance when I told her I was quitting school. I was mistaken because the next thing I knew, the mattress was upside down and I was in it. She told me I was not quitting school and that her kid was going to graduate high school. She morphed into a drill sergeant and yelled at me for twenty minutes straight. An hour later, with little Mikey on her hip, she drove m to school and waited to make sure I went inside. I can’t say where I’d be today if not for that single act of bad ass-ness on her part that day.</div><div><br /></div><div>As far as Mom’s timing went, it wasn’t the best even on a good day. The best laid plans always seemed to go a little haywire for her. I finished my degree in Journalism in 1997. I skipped the walk and ceremony…and my mom gave me a card and an “I Owe You” for a gift. Insert hysterical laughter here. I had more than one legitimately written piece of paper that said “I owe you.” </div><div><br /></div><div>Months later, I was out at the farm and she had a surprise waiting. I sat down at the kitchen table and she showered me with graduation confetti over my head. Then she handed me a black jewelry case with a pearl necklace and matching earrings. I’m wearing them today and I know what it cost my mom to get them. She’d put them in layaway and paid on them once a week for months. Mom lived for immediate gratification and rarely waited on anything. So I know just how much determination it took for her to wait. She was so happy to bestow them upon me with great ceremony. And the sentiment held more meaning than a walk in cap and gown ever could.</div><div><br /></div><div>Fast forward to 13 grandchildren, 3 great grandchildren and another on the way and new generations who changed her name from Mom to Grandma and Me Maw. Mom loved babies. Not to say she didn’t love and appreciate her grandchildren as they got older, but like kittens and puppies, babies were her favorites. She might not have been the grandma that showed up all the time and you might have even felt disappointed at times. One thing was for certain. When she did show up, the crowd parted and there was only one Wanda Jo Grandma. Her all in personality kicked in and she filled the room.</div><div><br /></div><div>I think Christmases may be one of my favorite memories when it comes to family and mom. She was never well off financially, but she loved gift giving at Christmastime. She used to shop her favorite thrift stores and yard sales to buy dozens of gifts for all of us. It made her heart sing. Full stop. I loved that about her. So I feel comfortable laughing too about this annual tradition. There was always at least one or two gems in the gifts I received. And I’d never hurt her feelings and tell her a lot was recycled back to Goodwill. The kids loved having tons of presents to open and again, she always managed to find at least one thing that the kids grabbed onto and loved.
Forget that a beautiful musical porcelain figure had the arm missing off of it or you got a girl’s shirt and you were a little boy. Every gift was a treasure…not the ones you save and put away as a family heirloom. But a memory of someone that loved you and spent likely money she didn’t have to give you something you wouldn’t need. And in some cases something that was once yours. One year, she gave the boys’ dad a shirt and tie that he’d gotten rid of and I’d given her for her yard sale. Now that was priceless. I can appreciate that now.</div><div><br /></div><div>I’m the basket lady and I don’t know if my goodies are all well received. But you all accept them, and if my last batch of jelly was like tar because I overcooked it, no one ever complains because it’s coming from a place of love. Seriously, was the jelly okay last year?</div><div><br /></div><div>When mom found out she had dementia, it used to drive me nuts when she’d say, “I have dementia.” I was like, “mom, how would you know?” You have to remember that she had been telling me she was dying since I was 12 years old. Trust, but verify man. The humor left me there, though, because this disease was in fact legitimate. And I watched it steal memories from my mom until it ripped away even her very faith.</div><div><br /></div><div>In her final months, I would pray with and for her. I’m not particularly religious, but I consider myself deeply spiritual and believe that a person’s faith is an incredibly powerful tool for overcoming even the toughest situations in life. It bothered me that the one thing in this life she relied on was stripped away from her. So I picked back up on things she’d said to me growing up. And would pray out loud with her calling upon God to keep his promise to her and bring her comfort and peace to ease the anxiety and fear that she struggled with every waking moment. I reminded her that even though her memory had failed her that her spirit remembered and that she was not forgotten.</div><div><br /></div><div>She became a child again, with renewed innocence. It was hard to lose the person she had been, but it gave me a chance to love her without the encumbrance of a challenging mother daughter relationship. She was a very sweet little girl and it didn’t take much to bring her joy in her final days. I picked flowers from my garden and took them to her in mason jar vases. I’d do her hair every week and she’d tell me how she wanted it. And at the end of our visit, I’d take a picture with my phone of the back of her hair so she could see. And every time, she’d smile and look surprised. She’d say it looked beautiful and couldn’t believe it was hers. </div><div><br /></div><div>Mom’s hair was a thing for her. She always loved it and I think the old school term used by those of us over 50 was that it was her crowning glory. There’s a poster in the room. I had prints made of some of the styles on the days when we shared a role reversal as mother and daughter. One I would add that was a choice I made in the end versus the one made for me years ago. </div><div><br /></div><div>Today what I’ve shared comes from a place of love too. And mom, I don’t have any of the hand scribbled “I Owe Yous” because those debts were forgiven long ago. But here’s mine for you…I owe you for the woman I am today.
</div>Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-2887954909039277922022-04-01T21:18:00.001-04:002022-04-01T21:18:33.354-04:00Offer Up?<p><br /></p><p>No, no. Not the app that lets you sell anything and everything. I’m talking about the hard core Catholic dogma where you offer up all your suffering…only difference is no one is interested in buying it! I have to laugh remembering a conversation with my nephew’s then fiancé (now wife) last summer after my brother died. We were floating down the river on a kayak talking about how my dad and her mom offered up<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0uCIhcS0CjcnL2SxkFx7Rd3BCJ_YUt8YHrAS4Xy_GoO5OR0-FktTqGAzP6CjZAK0MD5EbsVfIW8vrobRYwFWkSeFvIfDf0ehdjNLxlEnd0xyuzZLj7TgJQiszLoO33AM00S3xnyTsGbXxZWSAMXi0D8chUynJc3AXkgjPNOEG38juoGWbyYvQr4zk/s1576/beth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1182" data-original-width="1576" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0uCIhcS0CjcnL2SxkFx7Rd3BCJ_YUt8YHrAS4Xy_GoO5OR0-FktTqGAzP6CjZAK0MD5EbsVfIW8vrobRYwFWkSeFvIfDf0ehdjNLxlEnd0xyuzZLj7TgJQiszLoO33AM00S3xnyTsGbXxZWSAMXi0D8chUynJc3AXkgjPNOEG38juoGWbyYvQr4zk/w200-h150/beth.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kayaking Summer 2021</td></tr></tbody></table><br /> everything. Then the play on words with the app…and a random moment where grief was a little lighter shared. It’s been a mixed bag in the year that has followed. Sometimes laughing and sometimes crying…together and completely alone. Learned a few things along the way, but don’t get me started on the whole “everything happens for a reason.”</p><p>This past year, experiencing grief, loss, and disappointment, I think I’ve sought refuge and comfort as much as I’ve given it. I’ve channeled the feelings of many as an empath, often bewildered and broken sifting through to find the emotions that were uniquely mine to own. As I’ve looked for ways to “self sooth” for lack of better words, I’ll offer up a few thoughts in the hopes they may help others.</p><p>Okay, the play on words is still making me smile. For nearly three years, my dad sincerely repeated this to me at any talk of his suffering and during his life in general. He’d suggest I do the same when giving advice or solace. Just a simple phrase in the form of a prayer. I think it’s just one more numbing anecdote we tell ourselves to get through things that don’t make sense. We all have some belief system or platitude or coping mechanism that helps us find order in the face of chaos. Because seriously, there is no easy out.</p><p>Let’s start with the whole reason and purpose for everything…okay I got myself started on this. I don’t necessarily subscribe to this school of thought any longer. I grew up to become a spin doctor of sorts, working in public relations and crisis management. It’s not so different if you think about it. Tell people what they need to hear. Ease the anxiety. Restore calm. Not really solving anything in the process…simply making the process less chaotic. I used to build entire toolkits of messages to restore order and avoid damage to a company or brand. So it should be no surprise that we all have our own toolbox of resources we call upon in time of need to shield and protect ourselves.</p><p>There’s a myriad of resources to pick from. Whether it be spirituality in the religious sense, in the common sense of the universe, or any other fundamental belief brought forward by those who came before us…we greedily consume it to avoid facing a greater and more difficult truth.</p><p>Loss is loss. I think we all started grieving ahead of time when my brother was diagnosed with cancer. Having lost my dad to cancer decades before, I remain uncertain as to whether or not knowing ahead of time was of any real benefit at all. Because in the literal sense, if we lived in the true zone of humanity, we’d have already acknowledged and accepted this stark reality. No one gets out alive. A joke that helps lighten the mood on a topic that is best avoided lest we all go too dark and twisty.</p><p>Getting back to that greater and more difficult truth. All the platitudes and words we use to try and comfort one another fall short at times. For me, the most impactful thing has been to simply abandon all attempts to put up a brave front and admit that sometimes despite our best efforts, we are still not okay.</p><p>What do you do when you sit with that truth? I’ve been leaning on a Tibetan saying that resonated for me, “Take care of the minutes and the years will take care of themselves.” So what does that mean? TF if I know! Kidding again! This grief stuff is so heavy. I think it means that if we don’t look too far ahead and if we stay in the moments that make up our life and keep doing what we did before, we will see that life goes on, and eventually the awful moments that threatened to destroy us will become a smaller part of the sum total of our lives as a whole. </p><p>Translated into my everyday living, I see it as gratitude for what I have and where I am. </p><p>I was really surprised by something the other day. I went back and looked at all the pictures I took this past year. For anyone who knows me, this took a while because I take pictures of everything. My pets, the sunrise, the sunset, people, places, gardening…As I was clicking through hundreds of “moments” over a period of undeniable loss and sadness, all I saw were beautiful images. There was the road trip I took Pete on for his graduation (just a week after my brother’s funeral).</p><p><br /> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy7TZMHJ5ltLNsxv5jXJWn6PuEauFHTSJYr5RXA3f2Bg8AhlPrI2vTUVwnsn0cMtI_K2faEA5EDugliQG7A_xz0JgyLid8WSOjGQMcApftz-5yv-vnj_VCRw4j-G0fNblKazT5JKpS0P_kwjEOIB3CR7pxium04l82kVOrXAExkRzvnI16UORMI_Iq/s3758/presot%20house.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3758" data-original-width="2818" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy7TZMHJ5ltLNsxv5jXJWn6PuEauFHTSJYr5RXA3f2Bg8AhlPrI2vTUVwnsn0cMtI_K2faEA5EDugliQG7A_xz0JgyLid8WSOjGQMcApftz-5yv-vnj_VCRw4j-G0fNblKazT5JKpS0P_kwjEOIB3CR7pxium04l82kVOrXAExkRzvnI16UORMI_Iq/w150-h200/presot%20house.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Prescott House</td></tr></tbody></table><br />I remember trying to put up a brave front because I was struggling with so much at the time. The moments told a different story. From the Frank Lloyd Wright house we toured to all our stops along the way searching for antiques and treasures, we’d logged more time and memories. More moments passed over the summer as I looked through my wine making attempt. I couldn’t help but smile at the pictures where we were syphoning wine from a tube thinking if we stood higher on a stool it would work better…no fake smiles. Genuine happiness in that moment. More sunsets and sunrises. Birds and pets. Beautiful holiday moments shared with family. Where was the grief? I know for certain it is still with me and a heaviness I lay down with each night as I go to sleep and a fuzzy cotton candy-like weight I shake off each morning to start my day.</p><p><br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2qaaFCoIg1IagjR4WvcHD1VnZvtC44yRIThnaVGZiJuNftz_AnbgILBdAWifJ_5V1S2fmM2YmkiW5nQelpHofe23lKUca26-g8XwZ6JupHyMZL91pFqVYREcX0R-0hAspQbXCEdAdi4rM-OTLFJP97d3WF9ROMVpqnsnzuFa_8BW8DrHkZY4jG2m5/s3179/winemaking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3179" data-original-width="3001" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2qaaFCoIg1IagjR4WvcHD1VnZvtC44yRIThnaVGZiJuNftz_AnbgILBdAWifJ_5V1S2fmM2YmkiW5nQelpHofe23lKUca26-g8XwZ6JupHyMZL91pFqVYREcX0R-0hAspQbXCEdAdi4rM-OTLFJP97d3WF9ROMVpqnsnzuFa_8BW8DrHkZY4jG2m5/s320/winemaking.jpg" width="302" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Blackberry Wine 2021</td></tr></tbody></table></p><p>I continue to reclaim all things that make my heart sing…even if it’s only started back up with a gentle stirring and not a thunderous and deafening symphony of joy. </p><p>I think taking care of the moments is more than just living day to day. It’s finding true meaning and purpose. It’s approaching everything you do with absolute intent and taking nothing for granted. That’s what I’m doing.</p><p>Inflation is something everyone has felt this year. Prices for everything are going up. We complain about politics and external forces. It’s so easy to get caught up in the negativity. One of the things I’ve noticed in my own life and in trying to just focus on one thing at a time is that I am super thankful for what I have. When I order groceries online from Sam’s Club, I wince a little at the total. But when I start putting the groceries away and look at a well-stocked pantry and fridge, I stop and feel the deepest sense of gratitude. From having fresh ice on tap because I replaced my fridge with a new one to grabbing a bottle of the more expensive Ginger beer…I’m glad that I get to enjoy it. </p><p>I’m learning how to make stuff with new mediums like wood. I suck at math, so it’s been a challenge. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUh3z2kK9ufKPvldgdNph7xQnkVvIKZRhgrsw2MplExCTghRYK_olw3ncovwy4ZWtK53tuuJKwJ6BuvD2Dc1NBgegWyo0u-5k9d-ZuNkGgLrIwLBrHwBpkKnGT1izuXj8_usc44FIys_E_MiW1SoU_O32E_iMBUtgX-TicQEmBV_XtCQPVIMdzgMSB/s4032/shelves.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUh3z2kK9ufKPvldgdNph7xQnkVvIKZRhgrsw2MplExCTghRYK_olw3ncovwy4ZWtK53tuuJKwJ6BuvD2Dc1NBgegWyo0u-5k9d-ZuNkGgLrIwLBrHwBpkKnGT1izuXj8_usc44FIys_E_MiW1SoU_O32E_iMBUtgX-TicQEmBV_XtCQPVIMdzgMSB/s320/shelves.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />I’ve taken dozens of pictures of my barnwood shelves I made for the kitchen. And a Victorian oil lamp has been re-wired and is now hanging over my kitchen table waiting for finishing touches … wires still hanging in some of the wrong places.<p></p><p>The funny thing is all I see is the warm glow of light in the evening and a soothing feeling as I look in from the living room as it spreads its light across my kitchen table and chairs, also another found treasure that came complete with decades of moments and experiences from someone else’s family. Life is so freaking awesome when you can break it down into the tiniest of moments. There might not be a reason for everything, but I love being able to appreciate and find meaning where I can genuinely appreciate something.</p><p>Other thoughts on how to take care of minutes for me have manifested in some basic and mundane ways. I’ve never been much of a housekeeper. I could spin that a couple of ways. Nature versus nurture or a busy lifestyle. Not every one of my days start with a focus on a beautiful sunrise. And there are nights I don’t take a minute to step outside and watch the sun go down over the horizon. I started working on the basics. Dishes are a constant and never ending story having two sons (though nearly grown and grown) still at home. I started cleaning up the kitchen in the evening and leaving the overhead light by the sink and stove on. I liked being able to see the counter and sink and ground myself in a routine. I added more frequent vacuuming into the mix and with a gently used, but new to me Dyson, I like seeing the pattern in the carpet that comes from a really good cleaning (lots of pet hair around here). Having a kitchen table without clutter goes back to my high school days when I lived with my grandparents. My granny used the kitchen table as her desk and it was always stacked with papers and magazines … It made my pop nuts and I guess that rubbed off on me a little because even if the rest of the house is a wreck, I like a vase and a tablecloth, with a deck of cards tucked in the antique wood slaw cutter I use as a centerpiece. It’s those little creature comforts of what feels like home that can sometimes offer unexpected benefits without even realizing where the comfort is coming from.</p><p>I’m basic and simple. By now, anyone reading this has figured that out. I appreciate the moments when I go to bed between flannel sheets and an electric blanket. And even when I feel restless and wake up in the</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYRDb3MDqnlQVWtyZxmF1RbjxTXHAiaB6oGpjeSV-BTGFaGIrMsdjYASOVKHQUSbgYFP-C068JVF1v8wusDRnzDs6egVGTCTyQqDbb7CnkUHv9kCoC4imPiwLaMVnHmBh7lsBJJO1VHZgGu5fQKIOoxqdCgK_fqu_XN5jg-RaDaT4an25Hy0JhbxdG/s4032/yarrow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYRDb3MDqnlQVWtyZxmF1RbjxTXHAiaB6oGpjeSV-BTGFaGIrMsdjYASOVKHQUSbgYFP-C068JVF1v8wusDRnzDs6egVGTCTyQqDbb7CnkUHv9kCoC4imPiwLaMVnHmBh7lsBJJO1VHZgGu5fQKIOoxqdCgK_fqu_XN5jg-RaDaT4an25Hy0JhbxdG/w200-h150/yarrow.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br /> middle of the night, I remind myself that there will not be another moment in my day where I am this safe and secure as being tucked into my own bed.<p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">Finally, I think the order and sorting I apply to all of this is that I try to live in the zone of humanity all the time. The zone of humanity is something that came into my thoughts a few months back. I wrote down a few words in the way of an idea to write later. I was curious if I was using it in the right connotation (ever the Journalism and English person). Humanity has been used to describe the qualities that make us</span></div><p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgognX44kzMX3ekjCuabsdf0wuFoqMyXYB-P7YhYgmEbmvW3UcjszEA8fSX6Wv7Pc4jHaZ4-1QNAdh73PHscEYpJ2oipBcEZsLkUeEkOkKJC-MumI5NY10azfGl68OrRQh4q49q0XIWZH11sjWXNRDESdPCvyZOwJqnlCrdWGBsCZLK_HmMwXSuTbeL/s4032/sunrise.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2355" data-original-width="4032" height="187" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgognX44kzMX3ekjCuabsdf0wuFoqMyXYB-P7YhYgmEbmvW3UcjszEA8fSX6Wv7Pc4jHaZ4-1QNAdh73PHscEYpJ2oipBcEZsLkUeEkOkKJC-MumI5NY10azfGl68OrRQh4q49q0XIWZH11sjWXNRDESdPCvyZOwJqnlCrdWGBsCZLK_HmMwXSuTbeL/s320/sunrise.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /> human…the ability to love, to have compassion, to be creative. Yes, I believe that is what I meant as well. <p></p><p>I’m convinced that living in the zone of humanity will take me where I need to be. The ability to love, have compassion and be creative is fairly spot on. I can’t say with any certainty how long it will take to reach my destination, but in a world where there are unexpected endings, maybe that Tibetan belief is more accurate than I could have known. There is no fast forward through grief and loss. Forgiveness is better than anger even if it takes longer to pass through and process the pain. No one has all the answers. But in that zone of humanity, we’re all in this together and I find that somehow comforting. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgst1yKcp-gh0gpA5xAt6h3c-GcVHIhz_mnIsH6DS3aVyMp7DO0UQShptNo_FtA_BEx7ilnYha-vWxoADvLM1Rw0h4IjRk9_eNImezBZSnTpS5BmAik5bCK1d-8rTfTqmRpDISuPpE_J98V2ayILYMhsMU4b-NDMJpbDcgAAw9Q0tVQjUbP9-v0yPCn/s4032/whole%20family.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgst1yKcp-gh0gpA5xAt6h3c-GcVHIhz_mnIsH6DS3aVyMp7DO0UQShptNo_FtA_BEx7ilnYha-vWxoADvLM1Rw0h4IjRk9_eNImezBZSnTpS5BmAik5bCK1d-8rTfTqmRpDISuPpE_J98V2ayILYMhsMU4b-NDMJpbDcgAAw9Q0tVQjUbP9-v0yPCn/s320/whole%20family.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p style="text-align: center;">MLN</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p><br /></p>Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-10399247318511588392021-04-10T20:11:00.000-04:002021-04-10T20:11:42.098-04:00Post 2020 Part II: Recovery<p>I recently wrote an article about the surprisingly positive aspects of Covid-19 (link at end of article). While it was rewarding and uplifting to hear about how families pulled together and relationships that had been floundering finally thrived, there was this lingering feeling that the case numbers and death tolls were more than statistics and I wanted to have a conversation with friends about this as well…instead of all the media hype. </p><p>From my earlier article, I had asked three questions about what the biggest impact had been, how each person had adapted, and what the biggest learning was. This time, I simply let the stories unfold. Or rather a few personal stories, representative of so many others that make up the more than 135 million cases worldwide, since this started. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMgPE4RigIId44XyWWdTF_9Tb_OIkdg89jmG_PnY86jFemFtrZimayiLv7EO8qWPhQkuQPtA_Xn8q8jVM8X1JoboWQ8AyNAbG_TrTztyXpjGRunr_6tY21lvp6t1jQUGrIJyozMUcYijU/s960/chris+and+paul.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMgPE4RigIId44XyWWdTF_9Tb_OIkdg89jmG_PnY86jFemFtrZimayiLv7EO8qWPhQkuQPtA_Xn8q8jVM8X1JoboWQ8AyNAbG_TrTztyXpjGRunr_6tY21lvp6t1jQUGrIJyozMUcYijU/s320/chris+and+paul.jpg" /></a></div>Christina Dowler, 54, lives in Deltona, Florida with her husband of 25 years and five dogs. Originally from Columbus, Ohio, Chris and I met our freshman year of high school. We’ve remained friends for decades and talked often as the pandemic took hold. As the numbers increased in Florida into the fall, we talked about being careful. Chris is diabetic and has been disabled for several years. She would be considered at risk with underlying conditions that have been associated with Covid complications and the more severe cases.<p></p><p>In January 2021, her husband and a close friend staying with them both took ill. Chris also tested positive. Surprisingly, her symptoms were mild, but her husband, Paul, became progressively worse, spending a night or two in the hospital, was sent home for a few days, only to have to return again with low oxygen levels. He had double pneumonia and his oxygen levels continued to decline. Ultimately, they were forced to put him on a ventilator. </p><p>Her husband’s condition worsened and he was transferred to different hospitals, with facilities better equipped to treat Covid patients. Chris was forced to take over all the finances and bills and running the house. Between taking care of everything at home, keeping up with her insulin, and running to the hospital, it began to wear Chris down. As a 10+ year chronic pain sufferer from fibromyalgia neuropathy, she struggled and felt overwhelmed.</p><p> “One of the hardest things about battling Covid, is that you don’t know what’s going to happen. It was months before we knew if he was going to pull through.”</p><p>Dowler’s friends and family began daily calls and posts on Facebook.</p><p>“It was exhausting trying to be strong and brave. I prayed and I got by with family and friends supporting me. I couldn’t always take their calls. Sometimes it was all too much. I tried to stay as positive as I could. I looked for the most positive thing. I started noticing the swans in a lake outside the hospital. I’d stop and watch them and take pictures before going into the hospital.”</p><p>As days and weeks turned into months, it became clear this was not a sprint and she had to pace herself.</p><p>“I started to think about future goals. I would tell Paul this is temporary and tell him where we could go for our 25th anniversary. And I knew that I needed to take care of myself both physically and mentally, so that I could be strong for my family.”</p><p>Chris continued, “It was touch and go all the time. I’d look for something positive on Facebook and share quotes and sayings. I swam at night to help relieve my nerve pain and stress. I started writing in my journal and kept my “visitor” stickers from each day I went to see Paul in the hospital. I’d paste them in my book. I had weak moments too. Sometimes I would leave and cry driving home from seeing him. To stay busy, I started working on a handicapped bathroom to prepare for his return home. I kept working on things we’d both started together and I started painting pictures each day to represent my mood and to let out what I was feeling inside. I’ve never painted before in my life, but I found some odd comfort and started “hiding” images and messages in the pictures. It’s been a game of sorts in sharing with my friends on Facebook and it has helped me a lot. I’ve done 15 so far and the first one looks a lot like a preschooler did it. I’ve watched a lot of Youtube vidoes and keep working on getting better.”</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio5ecQrIwBDSf_nf2t_Rppv1dInLKyYmZ0vtUi6hXvVZAg2HkduVaO6uhjP_wnVZ6Wr21hbUZ5f-mbaNfqsNYqHvRzXDbwS6FP5oJqfeiyd3BMa0mi76IgTnaCWnF9k4r1xf6QX4mGiUM/s1182/chris+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1182" data-original-width="890" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio5ecQrIwBDSf_nf2t_Rppv1dInLKyYmZ0vtUi6hXvVZAg2HkduVaO6uhjP_wnVZ6Wr21hbUZ5f-mbaNfqsNYqHvRzXDbwS6FP5oJqfeiyd3BMa0mi76IgTnaCWnF9k4r1xf6QX4mGiUM/w482-h640/chris+1.jpg" width="482" /></a></div><p>Chris has an informal support network as well, with two other friends, who have experienced similar struggles with their husbands contracting Covid and logging many days in ICU. </p><p>Miraculously, Paul is recovering. It’s a long haul and he will be in rehab for some time. But he has been taken off the vent and continues to make favorable progress. Chris continues with daily visits, which are now “window” view settings at the rehab where they stand outside the window and can talk by cell phone. </p><p>She’s continuing her painting and had some advice for those, who don’t believe this is a real concern:</p><p>“We didn’t worry about it either. You need to wear a mask and get the vaccine. He never expected to face a life threatening illness. He was in the middle of enjoying life, and riding his Harley. I would also like to say that in the middle of a global pandemic, no one is to blame for getting sick. We are all in this together and we need to support each other.”</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1je3M-YwNoIbdMgDS16by7pc89QeGbnpub4ZgMN6TxgsNry85miCmlFg4TXHDTBT6BH_EpCd40Jaznl-NRZu1Ec0Dhe_q6cZR9elLVLlcU2N9g4knQDO9FtSkInltuexc4JiFdlC-iB8/s960/visiting+time.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1je3M-YwNoIbdMgDS16by7pc89QeGbnpub4ZgMN6TxgsNry85miCmlFg4TXHDTBT6BH_EpCd40Jaznl-NRZu1Ec0Dhe_q6cZR9elLVLlcU2N9g4knQDO9FtSkInltuexc4JiFdlC-iB8/s320/visiting+time.jpg" /></a></div><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9A1i94U7J_BoaWoNiJZpVSOrKFtVXn3BvqNU3W7aMKzSmpIigMtsGmLqysNj5BoGEr1hmXsqd4zsKfwXcqq-VEm84GYYe2KivKBubIerwLqxHsD5yJGzagaoFpTyynkyOJVzimma1Vu0/s720/cassie+and+mo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9A1i94U7J_BoaWoNiJZpVSOrKFtVXn3BvqNU3W7aMKzSmpIigMtsGmLqysNj5BoGEr1hmXsqd4zsKfwXcqq-VEm84GYYe2KivKBubIerwLqxHsD5yJGzagaoFpTyynkyOJVzimma1Vu0/s320/cassie+and+mo.jpg" /></a></div>Cassie Bonz, a Kentucky resident, works in healthcare and aside from reduced hours temporarily, was not impacted greatly from a financial perspective. <p></p><p>Her boyfriend, Mo, is an independent tattoo artist, who had just opened a new shop, was forced to close for three months.</p><p>“It was a tough time and very difficult for him. Tattooing is his life and passion. Shutting down came at the worse possible time. Fortunately, he was able to sell art and designed a few shirts, which helped keep us financially afloat. It was a scary few months, not knowing if or when life would ever return to normal.”</p><p>Bonz also had friends, with family members who were severely ill. A common theme was loneliness in maintaining the health care restrictions and the duration of uncertainty in not knowing whether or not their loved ones would pull through.</p><p>Shortly after Christmas 2020, Bonz came down with Covid. In her early 30’s, she would not be considered an at risk group.</p><p>“As careful as we were, and as diligent as I was with my PPE at work, I still contracted it. Initially, I was more concerned with giving it to my mom, who’s a smoker, or Mo (boyfriend). I was sicker than I have ever been and was off work a full two weeks. It was difficult to do even simple tasks at home and merely going down the flight and a half of stairs at home completely wore me out. It put into perspective for me how many felt when businesses closed those first few months of the pandemic. It definitely weighed upon me mentally and there were days when I would just cry because I was tired of waking up and still feeling so awful. It felt like it would never end. I’m grateful I didn’t end up in the hospital and I know I’m lucky. I was still very afraid I would be a “long hauler” or never return back to 100%. I continued with an elevated heart rate for about a month after.”</p><p>“Life felt slower. I look back at last spring and summer and it feels like a dream. We had so much more time to be outside and hike and adventure. We did a lot of cooking and my mom and I even started a garden. Overall, it reminded me that the simple things in life are truly the greatest. Time spent with my family and outside in nature is so important to me.”</p><p><u>Going forward, some of the most helpful tips shared</u>:</p><p>-<span> </span>Do not assign blame. </p><p>-<span> </span>Reach out to people in need.</p><p>-<span> </span>Be patient. Understand that updates and progress are slow; calls and social media posts will not always <span> </span><span> </span>be forthcoming.</p><p>-<span> </span>If you don’t know what to say, send a picture of the sunrise or something else that will lift spirits.</p><p>-<span> </span>Help create informal networks of support. Facebook messenger and social media can be a force for <span> </span>good.</p><p>-<span> </span>Avoid statistics and politics; focus on people and families.</p><p>I’ll add one more…simply be kind. It goes a long way!</p><p>To read Part I, go to: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/employers-advertisers-entrepreneurs-relevancy-post-2020-mary-ralles/?trackingId=10QOABjMH06Kn7t5Svlstg%3D%3D </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p></p>Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-74598317447813505712020-03-25T09:43:00.001-04:002020-03-25T09:43:49.194-04:00Taking Root<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLPlhUSUOF0waMXNDLQgY_wbdiNXC9cgTURTq8rZGCaBXxpkP0_X2gjpBXBLU8-lQr3llTuBMpy6vomScRe9c_CdOzplnRT_32fyzX2CBZZOAh0dwHRz8nTngME0pqBHS9jpMSXWY4gT4/s1600/sunrise.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1363" data-original-width="1242" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLPlhUSUOF0waMXNDLQgY_wbdiNXC9cgTURTq8rZGCaBXxpkP0_X2gjpBXBLU8-lQr3llTuBMpy6vomScRe9c_CdOzplnRT_32fyzX2CBZZOAh0dwHRz8nTngME0pqBHS9jpMSXWY4gT4/s320/sunrise.jpg" width="291" /></a></div>
I’m not sure there’s room for one more opinion. Like a lot of people, I’m watching things unfold and I struggle to strike the right balance, where I can observe and be aware without becoming consumed and anxious.<br />
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I’ve shared pictures of spring, my garden, plants I’m growing…a few funny songs and memes. Pretty much any snapshot moments where I’ve been able to think and feel with a sense of peace and presence, and importantly, a deep appreciation for the life I have right now. And what I've noticed is that it’s exactly the same thing I was doing before any of this began.<br />
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Online, I see posts with words of encouragement as well as more extreme, fear mongering images and rumors. Aside from the entertainment value of seeing others go off on a rant over someone being too concerned, not concerned enough, or somewhere in between, it’s not particularly helpful to me. And what I’m saying now is likely equally irrelevant. If it’s helpful, great. If not, feel free to rant. It might be the only decisive action you feel empowered to take control over in your life right now. And I get it…it’s scary to feel powerless.<br />
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I’ve been busy sifting through this new landscape and trying to make decisions based upon the information I have available to me at this moment in time. As a parent, we do that all the time. From deciding when a teenager can take the car to letting them stay out late so that they can experience an iconic pop culture event like a midnight showing of Rocky Horror.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuPIpcUN2onPj9UrofUanR50-3JClgL4AJG_JDokD5z5wbryJuQRXrTProECfRdQ1IWSVgfmD2mSROF3uExhnw5L9ZnGw6lKAOYBRhAbWknZ8lwcwkKlrnON7V2HzpAntLJii_3goHbzE/s1600/plant+seeds.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuPIpcUN2onPj9UrofUanR50-3JClgL4AJG_JDokD5z5wbryJuQRXrTProECfRdQ1IWSVgfmD2mSROF3uExhnw5L9ZnGw6lKAOYBRhAbWknZ8lwcwkKlrnON7V2HzpAntLJii_3goHbzE/s320/plant+seeds.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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As a mom, in many ways I’ve taken an approach that lets my kids learn as they go. Sometimes I can see mistakes before they happen. Sometimes they surprise me and pull something epic off (against all odds). The environment was one where the consequences were not as far reaching as what’s happening now. In this new reality, I can’t leave them to their own devices and let life teach them a lesson. The consequences are too great, impacting more than just my kids…more than just me.<br />
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When I started to feel overwhelmed and panicked about the future, I started planting seeds for my garden. And over the past several days as my seeds have sprouted and taken root, I realized that I’ve always lived in an environment that had uncertainties. Haven’t we all? Even the best-laid plans are met with life events we cannot anticipate or plan for. What has made all the difference for me is being able to let positive things take root in my own life. Things as simple as watching the sunset or making sure I step outside to watch it come up in the morning. It’s been a little like scheduling my life around the life I want to live.<br />
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I think it’s just as important that we not let the negative aspects take root. If we let fear take hold, it will take up permanent residence in our lives and prevent us from moving forward in any direction.<br />
There is still a life to live right now. My future is as uncertain as it was before any of this started. I’m not going to make the best of it…I’m going to make it the best and let it take root.Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-22194864866873804662019-11-21T15:20:00.003-05:002019-11-21T15:20:29.695-05:00How Many True Loves Can We Expect to Find in This Lifetime?Had a chance to put something out there on one of my favorite websites. Check it out:<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisPxRfmf0p1zX-tLpAWFkz-Hzu5LzUFB34WtdP9wKtEBJKzejEB2GvyaSAPVbU4kXwBubgxxMyHxcighGjs2W6GVZVCCd0Az97uNhf41nK7TzXTGWGokiu1pAPOZ9IB369IMHpV0tTSXI/s1600/IMG_5977.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisPxRfmf0p1zX-tLpAWFkz-Hzu5LzUFB34WtdP9wKtEBJKzejEB2GvyaSAPVbU4kXwBubgxxMyHxcighGjs2W6GVZVCCd0Az97uNhf41nK7TzXTGWGokiu1pAPOZ9IB369IMHpV0tTSXI/s320/IMG_5977.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<a href="https://www.elephantjournal.com/2019/11/how-many-true-loves-can-we-expect-to-find-in-this-lifetime-mary-niehaus-ralles/">https://www.elephantjournal.com/2019/11/how-many-true-loves-can-we-expect-to-find-in-this-lifetime-mary-niehaus-ralles/</a><br />
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<br />
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Well seasoned and well traveled along the road of life,<o:p></o:p></div>
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A wise person stopped to ponder a question many often ask…<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“How many chances do you suppose life has to offer…in
matters of the heart?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Having gone quite a distance, often getting off track, this
person walked alone once more…<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“How many true loves can a person expect to find?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Further still, this person pauses again along the side of a
road, near a wide river, with the sun beaming down and their reflection staring
back from the water.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“How can I know who I am or what value I hold…if I have no
one to tell me what I bring or what purpose I serve?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How can I be fulfilled without someone to
make me whole?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The water, deep and still, begins to move in gentle rippling
waves in response to a light breeze.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
image of the person is temporarily fuzzy and as it comes back into focus, it is
to find a new reflection staring back…and finally an inner voice begins
quietly:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“You hide your gift within.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You are your own truest and first love. There is no magic spell or
secret…no other person can make you whole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You needn’t do anything or be anyone to share the value you
possess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are a unique and beautiful
spirit, gifted with a kind and generous heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That you simply exist and breathe is exquisite. Value has less to do
with what you can offer and everything to do with simply being who you are.
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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“When the moment is right, you will find that there are
exactly enough chances. You needn’t “do” anything at all to find happiness and
fulfillment within yourself. Life is too good not to share. Find happiness in
your own company first. The rest will follow and you will find it has less to
do with right or wrong and more to do with a willingness to take a chance.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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The wise person wept, realizing ignorance once more…<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The most beautiful state of being is that tender balance
between complete love and acceptance of self and the ability to share that love
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able to embrace the love of another and accept them unconditionally as
well…knowing that the treasure that you seek was with you all along.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that any imperfections you find along the
way, whether through your own reflection or that of others…well, consider them
the finest of character traits …each owned and embraced to make you who you are
today. Reinforcements to your core made it possible for you to break without
shattering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You remain intact and
whole…and possess the wisdom needed to choose what you share and with whom in
the future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Spoiler alert:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some
of the most extraordinary gifts come to us disguised in some of the most (seemingly)
ordinary people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still waters run deep and
you will never find a diamond in the rough if you expect everything to shine at
first glance. And it’s the absence of polish that makes us real. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-77983904571528197772019-08-03T22:44:00.000-04:002019-08-03T22:44:14.590-04:00A place to BE
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Just shy of sleep, yet
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Visions of things
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Lucid dreams and
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Silent whispers
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Just before the
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A perfect balance for
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjKv5j4Miwd2StvhVhL7RW5kQBrLAnNk9bLyj8Mw5idASmRpzvByjK_PI5sF7PmoQXZO6rzkNXR9mX0wfohAEd5W5UwA99JOJDWenKkufoABoBTT3cNTuYei7L877nBYKot7a7_mXgmbM/s1600/sunrise+aug+2019.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjKv5j4Miwd2StvhVhL7RW5kQBrLAnNk9bLyj8Mw5idASmRpzvByjK_PI5sF7PmoQXZO6rzkNXR9mX0wfohAEd5W5UwA99JOJDWenKkufoABoBTT3cNTuYei7L877nBYKot7a7_mXgmbM/s320/sunrise+aug+2019.jpg" width="320" /></a>I am energy<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I walk barefoot in the garden dirt<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Suspended by tiny
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<br /></div>
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This transformation
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<br /></div>
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Ultimately, I will
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M<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-85459011700820062392019-06-16T15:21:00.002-04:002019-06-16T15:50:42.119-04:00Hooker Line Proves Profound; Pretty Woman Pretty Smart After All<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">Summer is finally here and
the longer days are consuming more of my time outdoors and in the garden. I
don’t want to waste a second when there is so much living to do…and for maybe
the first time in my life, writing has taken a backseat to the actual insights
of living being served up every day. I’ve used pictures instead for fear I
might miss out on something if I took the time to write it down. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">I’ve been on a bit of a
bender lately (minus the booze…well okay, a little bourbon goes well with most
things) and have learned that it really isn’t about what challenges you face in
life. It has everything to do with what you consider a challenge. And finding
my way had more to do with realizing I was already exactly where I needed to be
and not in need of a roadmap as to which direction to take. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgErAcBVRXNRrkSNOx-UPrAqAQTyS0utlkuY8830eCFh8wucynku2EtbdAi-izlsLk4v8o_KTZJNB9r71pRbVJ90jXZPyfB4AJHrqCQYVoyeJEsQPKsQyK29gw2e3QahM2kC36XRFXUcuY/s1600/julia+roberts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="266" data-original-width="475" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgErAcBVRXNRrkSNOx-UPrAqAQTyS0utlkuY8830eCFh8wucynku2EtbdAi-izlsLk4v8o_KTZJNB9r71pRbVJ90jXZPyfB4AJHrqCQYVoyeJEsQPKsQyK29gw2e3QahM2kC36XRFXUcuY/s320/julia+roberts.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">There is a little bit of
Dorothy (by way of the Good Witch Glenda’s observation), a dash of Mary
Poppins, and yes…even the character portrayed by Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">I reached a resting point
recently after waking up one day to find I had a completely different view of
the world I’ve lived in for most of my adult life. I wish I could tell you what
changed, but it was so subtle. I wasn’t holding my mouth right (old fishing
saying for when the fish aren’t biting and one that a friend has coined often).
It used to bug me to hear it. Never made sense. It was too simplistic in
explaining how an activity or event did not net the expected results. And it
pissed me off to boil it down to something that had no substance or tangible
explanation I could sink my teeth into. Because really…I’ve been a gal that
needs to find deep meaning and reason in every single thing. And stuff that
doesn’t make sense has been quite the Achilles heel for me. To keep order in my
life, I needed to be able to rationalize the “why” behind every aspect of my
life. WTF was my past response. I now must concede that it is indeed that
simple and complex all at once. Living life with this ecosystem proved
exhausting for me. Another phrase I used to detest was “it is what it is.” I
have also come to appreciate this as sound guidance for various points in my
life where my sheer will to make something happen would have been so much better
served to accept and keep going. And as I sit and write this now, I can see
that I’m making up for lost time and likely going too long and too deep to keep
anyone entertained and interested to the end. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">I’ve been on a road trip for
a while now. What most don’t realize, though, is my particular journey was
unique in that it required me to take the journey standing still. Instead of
searching outwardly through experiences and living, I became an observer of
pretty much everything I encountered. I also had to have a willingness to put
up a white board and erase all past foundational belief systems (including
societal norms and expectations).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">Having come full circle in
deconstructing the life I once lived, I am at the crossroads where I must
choose where I take it from here. It’s a little bit of “You’ve had the answer
all along” from Glenda, and a twist of “It was here all along in my own
backyard” from Dorothy. Throw Mary Poppins in the mix with an innate ability to
spin anything negative into a positive and you can pretty much sum up who I am
and where I’ve been.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">Life didn’t change me nearly
as much as I thought it had. In fact, I think life is the constant we all work
with. We are the lens that reacts and reflects what we see (sometimes through
filters we don’t even know exist). Life doesn’t discriminate. We are all equals
in what we start with at the very beginning…that is to say we get this life, we
are born, and we find our way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">I’ve learned that working
with life and following a natural flow is far better than swimming against the
current and denying whatever current reality I am in the middle of. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">The final observation comes
from admitting that there are people in my life, who simply don’t “get” me any
longer. And that’s okay. It’s also proven far easier to simply let go than to
try to rationalize my chosen path. That brings me to the final comparison,
which is the hooker, who Julia Roberts played in Pretty Woman. Richard Gere
stops and asks her for directions and she tells him it will cost him. Indignant,
he says she can’t charge him for directions. And in true form of someone who is
comfortable in her own skin, she simply says, “I can do anything I want. I
ain’t lost.” Kudos to Roberts for delivering that line and ‘nuff said for where
I am in my own life. I might be in the middle of a journey, but I ain’t lost.
And yes, I can do anything I want! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-86542618046310085232019-05-12T21:10:00.001-04:002019-05-13T06:46:08.748-04:00Well, I never...maybe you should!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy7Ob1yC4mAUJRueJg0NvoDWyDc6OKTb4nBhKE5api5BNutIn02kz3_crY46NDTvjQYUr0v2bOIHvyuwF2OylrbM_rrcTcdHd6ROGRtrkPxusvVO5tvxaZ7Ze-KAu7Uq2cAJEZdWX6pmI/s1600/annotate+it.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy7Ob1yC4mAUJRueJg0NvoDWyDc6OKTb4nBhKE5api5BNutIn02kz3_crY46NDTvjQYUr0v2bOIHvyuwF2OylrbM_rrcTcdHd6ROGRtrkPxusvVO5tvxaZ7Ze-KAu7Uq2cAJEZdWX6pmI/s320/annotate+it.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">"Well, I never!" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">Anyone else remember this? A simple indignant response to all things considered irreverent and falling outside the lines we were trained to color within. It showed disdain, shock, and was generally a good litmus test for
knowing whether or not the words coming out of your mouth were acceptable in polite society...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">But I don’t want talk about
societal norms or what passes for respectability these days. I’ll leave politics to the
politicians (all a farce anyways). I'd much rather spend my time contemplating why so many of us
have held on tightly to these three simple words and avoided living a life a little less encumbered and with a more unbridled spirit. Tenacity is a trait to embrace, not retreat from.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">And sadly, I think I have embodied a more risk averse nature for most of my adult life. I spent a lot of time “never” doing or acting on
things that were too risky or not socially acceptable in certain circles. For
example, I avoided the “f” bomb until I turned 50 (and have been making up for
lost times ever since <span style="font-family: "wingdings";"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span>). And now I find a few raised eyebrows in mixed company...my response is to get over it! I did.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">I can’t tell you exactly what
changed for me. It became less about what others thought and more about what I
believed. I’ve gone through a transformation of sorts. It’s kind of personal
and I’d hate to have it lumped into a mid-life crisis or some other trendy
ethereal journey that throws me in a new circle of “enlightened” people. I’m
not a joiner and don’t plan to start now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">But I have changed. It was so
subtle and yet so profound. It’s changed the way I look at everything. I woke
up one day and I could not “unsee” what had suddenly become transparent to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">I no longer include the word
“never” in my vocabulary. It has no place in my world. I live in a world where
anything is possible and everything is always on the table for consideration
(as it should have been all along).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">I’ve always been a seeker of
wisdom and information…the difference now is that I seek information from a
different perspective. I accept the possibility that nothing is as it has
appeared to me in the past. And deconstructing is just as important as
reconstructing. It determines the starting point and sets the tone for all that
follows.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">My journey is a sort of
reverse bucket list. Instead of focusing on all the things I’d love to embrace
and do, I’m taking inventory of another bucket list that has taken on a lot
more water and filled up more quickly than the selective stainless version that
is reserved for skydiving and giving a Ted talk before I die. This bucket is
well worn and rusty. It’s been kicked, thrown, and discarded more than once.
It’s the face of denial...the part of me that wants to hide my head in the sand
rather than face a critical decision. It’s a utilitarian tool that no longer
has a purpose in my life. It’s become obsolete and I’ve replaced it with a more
authentic symbol…one that wears its contents as a badge of honor instead of
shame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s why….<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">For every experience in life
that begins with resistance to change or denial that a certain reality has come
upon us…hell, for anything in life that we say we will “never” do…time has a
way of mocking us and proving us wrong. Time and time again, I have been
reminded that there are no boundaries that cannot be encroached upon in this
life. Part of our learning is to know how to embrace all the things we swore
we’d never face. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">I’ve been on a journey over
the past few years. It’s funny because this particular awakening has occurred
at a time in my life when I finally stopped running at breakneck speed. I
learned that standing still allowed parts of myself to catch up and consider
who I am without fear of acknowledging who I will never be. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">I have a bucket list. It’s
not the kind you talk about, but I have no shame in looking at it and sharing
the contents. It’s filled with life lessons and irony. Its filled with a life
of nevers, maybes, and some days…and most of all, it contains the secret to
success (at least for me). That roadmap is as they say “paved with good
intentions.” But progress only came when I abandoned my gps and went off the grid with my
own intuition and gut instead of worrying about what was considered acceptable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">If I ever forget where I’ve
been or worry too much about where I’m headed, I will sit with the knowledge
that the only thing that matters is where I am right now…and a willingness to
continue on in whatever direction I choose to take. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">People ask me sometimes what
success looks like to me…the longer I live, the answer becomes clearer and
easier to answer. Success looks exactly like my life is right now.
Because it’s not about all the things I haven’t done; it has everything to do with
what I’m already doing. It’s a constant vibration of energy just below the
surface that continues to propel me forward in the direction of happiness…and
if it meets the definition of success as well, that’s just a bonus. Forget the
bucket list. Kick it now!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-26949105937277571542019-04-06T22:51:00.002-04:002019-04-06T22:51:43.608-04:00Pressure Cooker of Life and Recipe for Success!
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<!--StartFragment-->
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<span style="color: #212121; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sometimes
I think life is a little like a pressure cooker. We turn up the
heat, throw a bunch of stuff inside, and stand…hand on hip…waiting for it to
finish way faster than it should.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPFGHuEKJzsOUTHPCS8rfHp6Jao1Kdu4TURFYuz4n9t4R5KPfZqU9N9rAt1Rln6IBfOttgFkrduerZRLG7SdiObsXHDrdXTb8uSe92gIb6ZKcKCYsCy0lZItI1Muo7u1Ka-bq2HzsO2Is/s1600/pressurecooker.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPFGHuEKJzsOUTHPCS8rfHp6Jao1Kdu4TURFYuz4n9t4R5KPfZqU9N9rAt1Rln6IBfOttgFkrduerZRLG7SdiObsXHDrdXTb8uSe92gIb6ZKcKCYsCy0lZItI1Muo7u1Ka-bq2HzsO2Is/s320/pressurecooker.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
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<span style="color: #212121; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You can’t
actually see what’s inside a pressure cooker when it’s cooking or test it to
see when it’s ready. You have to pace it, time it, and even then…you
still wonder if you let the whistle simmer long enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #212121; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
with life, it’s kind of the same thing. You’re watching and waiting
all the time…anticipating when it will be ready…complete. But you can’t check
on it mid-way to see if it’s coming along or close to being the way you expect
it to be. You don’t always know when there’s too much pressure
inside and sometimes impatience releases the steam too fast and with too much
force, leaving you ill prepared for dealing with the outcome of any given
situation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #212121; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
in life as with cooking, my advice is to always watch the burner so it doesn’t
get too hot. Let out the steam at a slow and steady pace, being mindful not to
burn yourself or anyone else nearby. Acknowledge that you won’t get it right
every time and you will learn as you go. And most importantly, don’t worry
about what anyone else is cooking! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-52737139224969795972019-03-28T09:57:00.003-04:002019-03-28T09:58:31.714-04:00Sing, Peepers, Sing!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.6pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Moving right along into spring, we're already starting to see
some new foliage on the trees; </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq4ZWeuKp1XQWB9Ci4fFhvCUcXcLjajUXGwVy5hzz4dxtvMCqOPhwsb55S1QZeWFQY_0elRZdft2PqIY6Vx8lp-4gOAv-QSW0LqAbpBe2IHATC1q6LClWaBOrlAd237l13cCzlU1w4Jxw/s1600/farmers+almanac+peeper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="682" data-original-width="1024" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq4ZWeuKp1XQWB9Ci4fFhvCUcXcLjajUXGwVy5hzz4dxtvMCqOPhwsb55S1QZeWFQY_0elRZdft2PqIY6Vx8lp-4gOAv-QSW0LqAbpBe2IHATC1q6LClWaBOrlAd237l13cCzlU1w4Jxw/s320/farmers+almanac+peeper.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
there are a few random bulbs and wildflowers
starting to pop up in the yard. And most of us have started some vegetable
seedlings indoors in preparation for a summer garden.<o:p></o:p><br />
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.6pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.6pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12.0pt;">But sometimes, long before any of the visual
landscape changes, you can actually hear the sounds of spring — beginning with
the Peepers calling into the late evening and early dawn.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; line-height: 15.6pt; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Not
to be confused with <a href="https://www.marshmallowpeeps.com/" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #002199; text-decoration: none;">Peeps</span></a>, those wonderfully delicious marshmallow
treats that show up in Easter baskets, <a href="http://farmersalmanac.com/home-garden/2016/03/21/facts-about-spring-peepers/" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #002199; text-decoration: none;">Peepers</span></a> are chorus frogs, the ones we see
(and hear) as they announce the entrance of one of my favorite seasons. Their
melodic chirping is so common and expected that it’s the kind of background
noise you can miss if you don’t take a minute or two to listen closely as you
drift off to sleep or when you wake each morning.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.0pt;">Fun Facts about Peepers:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial";">Peepers “sing” as a part of their mating ritual.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times"; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></div>
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<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.6pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12.0pt;">It’s the guys crooning to the girls, trying to
draw them nearer (the universal language of love, even for amphibians).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.6pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.6pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Spring Peepers are tough and can survive
freezing and thawing (unlike some of our early flowers that fall victim to late
frost).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.6pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 15.6pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12.0pt;">They’re cute! And
their vocal ability is amazing when they “puff” out their vocal sac. Just
listen:<span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #002199; text-decoration: none;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwVEI5M-948" style="box-sizing: border-box;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwVEI5M-948</a></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 15.6pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 15.6pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12.0pt;">If you’re a light
sleeper, perhaps you’re not as enamored with these little guys as I have been.
As for me, I can’t wait to get back to the seasonal tunes that have a strange
calming effect that helps me drift off into a peaceful slumber.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 15.6pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 15.6pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Sing, Peepers, sing!
And welcome, spring!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 15.6pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 15.6pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12.0pt;">(first written Spring 2017)</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-89283830767724680972019-03-24T19:59:00.000-04:002019-03-24T20:09:00.988-04:00Clean-up in Aisle 6 and Sibling Rivalry<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">Today I find myself thinking
about sibling rivalry and the very complex dynamics of families. There is a delicate
balance between parent and child. I’ve come to realize that there is an even
more fragile state among the “one to many” nature of those of us blessed with
two or more children.<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTfX61H6sZ9I_QdITa3ByEWaLWanKBfIaVuMjVP5sUR9Q2-t0z4PIlfoX3WEYhB-L9sPDsg6WLtQrKwlCkqfDabSk7RmTLFOWJEnCaMbzNB9B1ElXCQm4TO8BV2pQl5ldY22gNIM73SX4/s1600/IMG_1102.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1203" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTfX61H6sZ9I_QdITa3ByEWaLWanKBfIaVuMjVP5sUR9Q2-t0z4PIlfoX3WEYhB-L9sPDsg6WLtQrKwlCkqfDabSk7RmTLFOWJEnCaMbzNB9B1ElXCQm4TO8BV2pQl5ldY22gNIM73SX4/s320/IMG_1102.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Three Sons!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">When I was a kid, I grew up
in a house with three boys and myself as the only girl. From a child’s
perspective, my observations of sibling rivalry were centered more around how we
were each treated. As parents, we say that we love them all the same and
equally. But that’s simply not possible. I don’t mean that we have favorites or
mistreat one over the others. Every single person in this world is unique. I
appreciate all the gifts they each offer. And at the end of the day, there are
distinctive and different personalities that come into play as far as getting
things done and maintaining harmony. And being “favored” is not always what
it’s cracked up to be. Especially when “favored” translates to the kids most
likely to be obedient and resist the less.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think this is pervasive in our society and we may all be a little
guilty of favoring people over and over again, without recognizing the implications
of what we do and how we reward the chosen few.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">I have come to realize very
recently that it is those unique differences that imprint on our family
dynamics early on. And something as subtle as asking one child to perform a
task instead of another becomes a bad habit that is fostered and continues
throughout their lifetime.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">Just like careers, jobs and
roles are informally assigned and accepted based upon aptitude. Unfortunately,
those aptitudes present with a double edged sword and just because someone is a
nurturer or caretaker by nature does not mean that they should be handed the
mop and expected to “clean up in aisle 6” every time life gets messy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">Sometimes, handing the mop to
the one less likely to get up all the mess is exactly what is needed, so that
we all develop a broader skillset and tools for life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">Years ago, before my dad
passed, I was part of the sibling rivalry craziness. I’m still an outlier in
the dynamics with my mom. And at the time, I couldn’t see from the perspective
of my parents. I could only see what felt wrong to me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">I can think of countless
times where my dad or mom asked one of us to do something. And as a member of
the secret society of siblings, we had a code to live by. If mom or dad told us
not to tell anyone, we of course told everyone in the family. If we talked
about someone, it was always the one that was absent from the conversation. And
we’d only band together as a force for good when it was to defend our parents
against the designated black sheep of the family (which, by the way, was a
rotating role with a very long and well defined succession plan). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only requirement? You must continue to
accept the role you’re given and keep your place in line. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">Having been the “favored” kid
as a caretaker and chief slop mopper, my perspective has been more focused on
what it felt like as a kid. But as time goes by, as my own kids get older, I have
a better appreciation for the delicate balance and tightrope my parents had to
walk. I have three sons, one of which is grown. But it was the dichotomy of being
one of many that has played out in reverse for me with them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">I’ve made a living from
responding well in a crisis. And flourished in environments that would cause
others to wilt and die. But it came at a cost. And instead of redefining my own
balance and strengths and weaknesses, I kept building and reinforcing the path
of least resistance. Because the other edge of the sword…of being favored or
needed…well, it became a habit. It has proven difficult to shake off the role I
was literally born to play.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">So if I can see all of this
so clearly, why then do I continue to perpetuate this with a new generation?
Why saddle my own kids with similar dysfunction and responsibility that
contains a smidge of underlying guilt? On a good day, I’d tell you I don’t.
That I push back against those natural tenets and encourage them to seek what
pleases them (and not be a people pleaser).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And that’s true. But on days when I’m just being completely human and
selfish, I am guilty of the same sins my mother and father committed against me.
I will pick the one who is the most likely to respond with the least
resistance. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">I had surgery a few weeks
ago. It’s all good and I’m on the mend, but having to rely upon anyone for help
has always been a struggle for me. I’ve grown a lot and can now accept help
when it is offered and feel gratitude for kindnesses extended. But at 14 and
16, my younger boys are busy growing up and being teenagers. Having to ask for
help from either of them has been painful. I’ve pulled out every tool in my toolbox
of dysfunctions to cajole, guilt or otherwise persuade them to do simple things
that made me feel better about being incapacitated. I’m a fairly simple person
and it doesn’t take much. So the tasks I was looking for help with were things
like planting strawberries, moving a few things around the house, and getting
the garbage out to the curb on Thursday night.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">What I learned was that in my
natural tendency to rely upon my middle son, the sibling rivalry I experienced
with my own brothers reared its ugly head. And for the first time, I had a
better understanding of how my dad must have felt and now how my mom feels when
we pit ourselves against each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sure, I still remember my childhood and some of the challenges I faced.
But in doing so, I have to accept accountability for my own shortcomings. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">The answer is much simpler
when you flip the lens. For every time my mom or dad defended me or my brothers
against each other for what they did or didn’t do…for more or less of what was
their fair share, the biggest hurdle and easiest to overcome…for all of us…is
simply this:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">We are all fallible and
imperfectly human. It is a normal and natural affliction. When we compare one
another to each other or insist that those we love treat us better or
differently, we are putting conditions upon that love.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">The truth is if we simply
accepted each relationship and connection as unique…if we chose to do and say
and act based solely upon our genuine desire to help or share, we could see
past those imperfections and reach a higher level of understanding. And I’m not
saying that this gives carte blanche to others to mistreat or hurt us. But I
find the more time I spend considering my own thoughts and actions (and by
default the less I think about others’), life feels a lot simpler to me. And if
anyone believes they can win an argument with anyone against their own child
(even if you happen to be their child as well), you’ve failed before you enter
your opening statement. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">The truth is that in families
as well as the broader landscape of life, there will always be competing
“siblings” of sorts. And to conditionally accept a person or situation is not
at our highest level of awareness. There is an unconditional level that is
still within the human condition and it’s possible to achieve. But like
grabbing the bucket and mop, it takes practice. It won’t always feel good and
it won’t always work out. But if our natural tendency was to rely on one
another for the greater good and higher order, I’m betting that clean up in
aisle 6 would become more of a group effort instead of people running away with
their carts at the sound of breaking glass.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">Unconditional doesn’t mean
you can’t have expectations. It does mean that if you choose to include people
in your life, you have to be willing to accept what they are willing to give.
You sit with your own feelings, and CHOOSE every step with deliberation. When
you can reach the level where your actions line up with what is in your heart
to do …then you are golden. You will either continue to follow your true north
with this person or you will naturally follow the flow of life in another
direction. Either way, ego is out and love wins. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">Mom and Dad…I’m sorry I was
so hard on you both. The second half is on me. You did your best and so will I.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-54781870165653012702019-02-13T21:33:00.000-05:002019-02-13T21:37:57.032-05:00Happy Love Day<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-family: arial, tahoma, helvetica, freesans, sans-serif; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; position: relative;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAHyam72mAlnJr321uF1Ts4e8LVmIH95DG_vrRPSzbOgtOw5QbT1PXTMR4euM3AoWwLCiZXVhQx1FvKCnFa15hnYwBJQoI5RIrLsEAZvhI7emf5FPi1l3O2i5WSJQewXeAaHfCS1A-LFg/s1600/sweethearts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="550" data-original-width="380" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAHyam72mAlnJr321uF1Ts4e8LVmIH95DG_vrRPSzbOgtOw5QbT1PXTMR4euM3AoWwLCiZXVhQx1FvKCnFa15hnYwBJQoI5RIrLsEAZvhI7emf5FPi1l3O2i5WSJQewXeAaHfCS1A-LFg/s320/sweethearts.jpg" width="221" /></a><span style="font-size: small;">I want to love Valentine's Day again! I did...once upon a time. I think probably the best times in my life where I embraced this Hallmark holiday were as a kid in grade school. Because back then, there was a different kind of build-up. We'd spend days decorating shoe boxes and placing a cut in the top for an opening to receive Valentines at the annual class party. I remember walking around desks in a serpentine-like row with other kids, carefully placing the small folded cards into home made boxes with bright red and pink construction paper. I can still smell the Elmer's glue and how we used to drip it on our fingertips to make molds of our fingerprints.</span></h3>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I know my generation talks about how the world has gone soft and kids are coddled and spoiled, with awards just for participation in various events. I'll let you in on a little secret...even back in the day, everyone got a Valentine on Valentine's Day. It was kind of an unwritten rule. Notes went home with the number of classmates and even if you didn't get a personalized card...you could pretty much count on filling your shoebox with a stack of cards, candy, and the ever popular "Sweethearts" candy boxes.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Later, when "Friends" became attached to "boy-friend" and "girl-friend" it was more selective. High school was a crap shoot from year to year, depending on where you were in your awkward teen years and if you'd started dating. Student council took over the selection process and roses and candy were sold for a buck a piece to send to your "special someone" on this "special" day. I'm not gonna lie. I grew to like this holiday less and less as I got older and realized how much pressure society (yeah, okay that's a little deep for my low brow rant here) placed upon a single day. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I read a few memes online today about making it Gal-entine's Day and other ways to celebrate a lover's holiday if you find yourself a solo act at this moment and time. I found sarcastic cartoons poking fun at the big day and found myself wanting to jump in. I thought about re-posting a poem I wrote decades ago with great fervor and passion. But then I remembered the early Valentine's Day card that came in the mail this week. No, it wasn't from a secret admirer or current love interest. It was reminiscent of my childhood celebrations and a time when I actually looked forward to this special day.</div>
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My sister sent me a home made card, with a special message. It is the best Valentine I have ever received and while it arrived in the US Mail in my mailbox at the end of the driveway, it held just as much magic as those cards that used to arrive in my homemade shoebox on my school desk.</div>
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Happy whatever way you celebrate the day...and to my sister, Cindy, happy love day to you too!</div>
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Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-51378244714595519492018-12-25T22:13:00.000-05:002018-12-25T22:21:32.226-05:00I'm a Basket Case at Christmas!<br />
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Okay, that might be a little misleading. But now that I’ve
got your attention, let me share with you how I started a new tradition this
year. I’ve spent the last year collecting every day treasures to share in gift
baskets with family and friends. Let me explain…<o:p></o:p></div>
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It might seem like I’ve set-up a completely different life
moving this past year. Fence posts have replaced stoplights and busy
intersections. The truth is that I’m closer to where I always felt the most
comfortable as a kid…living life one moment at a time and appreciating what
matters the most to me. I’ve found a home on about an acre of land and we are
utilizing it to its fullest potential.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We tilled our first real garden in the spring (hand turned
with shovels followed by a walk behind tiller). We had “bumper crops” with
tomatoes and BLTs were a dinner staple over the summer. I managed to can a few
jars of salsa and pasta sauce as well. Early in the season, I felt like this
was a thankless job as the boys kept eating the salsa faster than I could make
it…but I caught up and made some reserves for the winter.<o:p></o:p></div>
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My habanero plant produced more peppers than I knew what to
do with and so I made Apricot Habanero Jelly and Strawberry Habanero…and
Cranberry Habanero…you get the picture! <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXtH9kqJeQO0kgKB-LTpi8FuVjL6_gZWdwaqjZuxTtd6AOwASJ4ZT1RElNNAvSpL6Rjzd8tTIbRo8UZWdravs8Evj_5igPTbNu0wurmZdI7aJKBRqblM8H1FlA19CeQcKrh0O9qjhv28Q/s1600/IMG_4201.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXtH9kqJeQO0kgKB-LTpi8FuVjL6_gZWdwaqjZuxTtd6AOwASJ4ZT1RElNNAvSpL6Rjzd8tTIbRo8UZWdravs8Evj_5igPTbNu0wurmZdI7aJKBRqblM8H1FlA19CeQcKrh0O9qjhv28Q/s200/IMG_4201.jpg" width="150" /></a>I added milkweed to attract butterflies in the side yard,
where I have flowers growing in a small stone hedged garden. I was also
pleasantly surprised to see I already had monarda growing. I saved the dried
flowers and made sachets out of Christmas fabric to enjoy their fragrant scent
long after the blooms died.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ve upped my game in canning, moving from water bath to
pressure canning of green beans and squash. I’ve promised an entirely new
meaning for “return for deposit” to gift recipients on my list.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In collecting antique Christmas bulbs in the shapes of Santa
and Snowmen, I started making vintage looking ornaments and experimented with
soldering copper. I’ve reverted back to the glue gun until I get a better
handle on dealing with high temperatures!<o:p></o:p></div>
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We have pine trees in the side yard and collect them
whenever we can. We’ve made wreathes and crafts and used as fire starters as
well. I store them in empty dog food bags and have found that a scarcity
mindset goes a long way and in our case, it seems to have sparked a lot of
creativity as we see so many other ways to use an item other than its intended
purpose. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdOaXT8j47CpGn1YGHrIpS-Zr_Pqyhf8qnf4t2yXiHTS7ddW886J0Pxmmbr90K3tu8lf3itTpjdosGG2OxiDTuy7yRHZl85Zj9HCZoWq6jdEQq0O52GCJ7QNTlCFUtZjmhiSZ5_5lwZQ0/s1600/IMG_2616.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="993" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdOaXT8j47CpGn1YGHrIpS-Zr_Pqyhf8qnf4t2yXiHTS7ddW886J0Pxmmbr90K3tu8lf3itTpjdosGG2OxiDTuy7yRHZl85Zj9HCZoWq6jdEQq0O52GCJ7QNTlCFUtZjmhiSZ5_5lwZQ0/s200/IMG_2616.jpg" width="123" /></a>I have apple trees I’m still working on. I’ll be pruning and
treating them in the next few months in the hopes they bear fruit next year. I’ve
been lucky to have nearby orchards and friends to supply apples for my apple
butter. I still never think I’ve made enough to last until the next season. I
can’t believe I ever ate store bought before. I’ll never do it again.</div>
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I wish I could wrap up the sunrises and sunsets we’ve seen
this year. The skies are gorgeous absent the city lights. And earlier this
month, I saw the Geminid meteor shower. I counted at least 6 or 7 shooting
stars that were like slow falling rain drops surrounded in white light. I truly
believe anything is possible in these rare moments where nature takes center
stage and life stands still. My continued resolution is to focus on these
little miracles and make sure that the boys are learning to appreciate life as
well.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I can’t remember a summer that ever went as fast as this
one. It reminded me of those I had as a kid. Every single day, I walked in the
garden with my 16-year-old, Pete. We’d grab one of my favorite vintage baskets
and collect vegetables and take pictures of our glorious patch of land. What I
will remember most about this first summer in our new home is that I stopped
looking in and started looking out…in life, from the windows of my house…on the
deck…in the garden…on the riding mower…driving to and from work on a rural
state route road. I’m not saying this year did not come without its fair share
of challenges…but more and more I realize which moments are worth hanging onto
and which ones to let go. I see now that you can’t grab the next moment until
you let go of the last. And this applies to absolutely every area in life. Love
your job, love your home, love your life…exactly as it is right now.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ve always carried forward traditions from my childhood.
This year, I started one of my own. I shared baskets filled with every day
treasures I was fortunate enough to have and plan to do the same again next
year. I may not see my family and friends as often as I would like, but with
this new tradition I can share a little bit of every season throughout the year!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Merry Christmas Everyone!<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-77207956615907300982018-08-16T22:44:00.000-04:002018-08-18T17:16:41.792-04:00A Window to My Soul…21st Century Scrapbooking<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
In a world where we are bombarded by technology and “always
on” with social media, I find myself appreciating a new way of sharing and
preserving an old fashioned way of life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXSYUWOGA34uYgXWoTWdIjZ3o038m0v66DjSb2RXPDOr7PGi7q4AGEJsY6oChK0ka9fNE7K0-ueP5v3LgTHZv-zBhIFk-hnbpniJj91dub3Nq7efwfJ9sGjSBmL_VoFpKyfmeQ4Jd1mq4/s1600/caterpillar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1552" data-original-width="1600" height="308" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXSYUWOGA34uYgXWoTWdIjZ3o038m0v66DjSb2RXPDOr7PGi7q4AGEJsY6oChK0ka9fNE7K0-ueP5v3LgTHZv-zBhIFk-hnbpniJj91dub3Nq7efwfJ9sGjSBmL_VoFpKyfmeQ4Jd1mq4/s320/caterpillar.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A Monarch in the making.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
I am a romantic at heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That is to say I like to take the simple and routine and embellish it
with what I’ll call “life trimmings” to make it more memorable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take gardening for example.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love to garden and can vegetables and
jam.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But if you ask me what I liked
best about these little pleasures, it would be easier for me to show you than
tell you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I trim my life in ways
that make me happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let me explain…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A day in my garden rarely begins and ends in a single
visit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life is busy and I work and have
teenagers in high school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s why I
planted my garden in the front yard next to my driveway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am always on the go and in and out several
times a day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And every time I’m leaving
or coming back home, I find it almost irresistible not to walk over and pull a
stray weed or take a peek at my tomatoes or squash.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4GipX4DSwTNNKDMniWFNLEH-Y82WxApwiZq-OypuDxQG-f8EUMCOx0yJV4bplfmijKo0zWU2Q8fL_YqN7Xv7Evb66KAc9hQNevvHzn7-35RsiDNVwLGS7RCvyA8NDBA0nnlHt6FDoO1E/s1600/IMG_E2326.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4GipX4DSwTNNKDMniWFNLEH-Y82WxApwiZq-OypuDxQG-f8EUMCOx0yJV4bplfmijKo0zWU2Q8fL_YqN7Xv7Evb66KAc9hQNevvHzn7-35RsiDNVwLGS7RCvyA8NDBA0nnlHt6FDoO1E/s320/IMG_E2326.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Southern Pumpkins</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
My favorite moments are in the evenings or weekends, when I
can kick off my shoes and walk barefoot in the middle of the garden.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The straw mulch gives me a soft bed for my
feet and I can more gingerly walk around the cushaw vines trailing around in
every direction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a woven hat,
with a lime green band.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s mandatory
attire for sunny days and makes me smile when I see it in my kitchen hanging on
a chair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel happy when I grab it on
my way out the door with basket and nippers in hand.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another mainstay I keep in the kitchen are aprons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a few really pretty vintage ones from
the 1950’s and a few more functional ones for messier work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pull up my unruly hair in a ponytail and am
instantly reminded of my Granny shoo-ing me out of the kitchen as a kid to put
my hair up before entering her kitchen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In my kitchen, I survey the assortment of pots and pans, canning jars,
and supplies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like me, it’s a work in
progress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It's roomy and has potential
to store all my kitchen staples for baking and canning in some organized way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For now, I make it work with a
banquet table and Rubbermaid tubs underneath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And I’m always on the lookout for an oversized buffet or cabinet that
could be re-purposed into a work center that can accommodate more storage.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWdnrCJtfCPcWSDo_LJEkhznwjIY9yoXycl4eJXDn9OkYgoW0eCRBnUzHZiMZOJ388tbF3VdDPLtWUeiJ_E6HeFIzLTvKJcYkTKxcx8X42AHn60WW_ajyaLcj0H-A1Xrj9y3yBxEJ2WyI/s1600/IMG_2137.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWdnrCJtfCPcWSDo_LJEkhznwjIY9yoXycl4eJXDn9OkYgoW0eCRBnUzHZiMZOJ388tbF3VdDPLtWUeiJ_E6HeFIzLTvKJcYkTKxcx8X42AHn60WW_ajyaLcj0H-A1Xrj9y3yBxEJ2WyI/s320/IMG_2137.jpg" width="320" /></a>I see potential in most things in life and enjoy the journey
in seeing a dream or vision coming to fruition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s like looking at a blank canvas and instinctively knowing what needs
to be added or something that would complete the picture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes it will be days or even weeks
before I figure out what’s missing from a shelf or a mantle in my home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it eventually comes to me…often at a yard
sale where I find a small vintage treasure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You can be sure it will be cheap enough not to break the bank and easy enough to swap out without any sentimental value.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I used to be a huge collector of things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I still appreciate and have a fondness for antiques, but have also
learned to appreciate a more minimalistic environment…from surroundings to
thoughts to everything in between.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
enjoy “props” that enhance my setting and help to set the stage for my romanticized way of life. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I recently
picked up a scarecrow at a yard sale and added it to the garden.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have included him in every picture I take
while measuring my growing produce and enjoying the view.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi79rfU6ST8XdpXhWVmapEhhWvQ40eTik0s7z22qiCxE1weWVN9pjrucHRJJE-JhRxUAxJi1v4UCvjdNGa2qQuQsEDt5xNu3OlDE0fDt_l1YoTzNamXK4RhGGJ-YOpFK-ZmpRe8Rhr8eo8/s1600/IMG_0412.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi79rfU6ST8XdpXhWVmapEhhWvQ40eTik0s7z22qiCxE1weWVN9pjrucHRJJE-JhRxUAxJi1v4UCvjdNGa2qQuQsEDt5xNu3OlDE0fDt_l1YoTzNamXK4RhGGJ-YOpFK-ZmpRe8Rhr8eo8/s200/IMG_0412.jpg" width="112" /></a>Which brings me to my last “must have” accessory…something I
take with me wherever I go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not old
fashioned and lacks the beauty and character of an old Mason jar with a zinc
lid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It hasn’t been hand sewn or trimmed
in lace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, it is the opposite of
antiquated items I typically gravitate towards.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But this gem is what fuels and powers my creativity and passion for
every day living.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As
incongruous as it may sound, my i-Phone has become a mobile scrapbook of
sorts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I used to cut pictures from
magazines and glue them into journals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’d write and mail letters to family and friends to share things
happening in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And while I will
admit there is a tradeoff in leaving behind a good stock of paper or
stationery, the benefits and ease of sharing far outweigh the downside for me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My kids get aggravated when I want to take a picture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They can’t understand why I don’t just enjoy
the moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But for me, it’s all about
capturing the moment and remembering why it was special.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I get that not everyone will understand
the importance of a photo shot in portrait mode taken from an i-Phone camera, depicting a basket of freshly picked tomatoes...or why I'll position the leaves of my squash, so that the plump and rapidly growing cushaw can be shown surrounded by a frame of straw.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s my
way of scrapbooking in the 21<sup>st</sup> century, utilizing all the tools of
a different sort of revolution than that of the industrial age.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyta3FNl0ZVyd_uOvfP_mLgTGgSgruU25k-Y1E2Sivu5tDHfdiZ_fkF336jMtDlKsDLw0SjZR4Fn21E64BuHNlJtp4Ck3rDOAlpH0WN1aDwzvbu20hsnd7DnfA8ZCsW6C-pCDR_WRlu28/s1600/IMG_2346.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyta3FNl0ZVyd_uOvfP_mLgTGgSgruU25k-Y1E2Sivu5tDHfdiZ_fkF336jMtDlKsDLw0SjZR4Fn21E64BuHNlJtp4Ck3rDOAlpH0WN1aDwzvbu20hsnd7DnfA8ZCsW6C-pCDR_WRlu28/s320/IMG_2346.jpg" width="320" /> </a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But please don’t try to pin me down to a generation or
type.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m just tech savvy enough to be
dangerous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t master Snapchat,
however, Facebook is my friend for sharing the moments I capture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instagram and Twitter are close seconds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think like the industrial revolution, the
mediums and channels for making and doing will always change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What remains a constant for me is a love and
passion for living in the moment and appreciating the natural beauty that abounds
if you take the time to see it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And if I
embraced a tech-free existence, I’d miss out on a lot of moments I want to look
back on and remember.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It may sound
funny, but it’s true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My i-Phone is the
window to my soul…see for yourself…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<!--EndFragment--><br />Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-42717160669704839702017-11-05T10:00:00.001-05:002018-08-27T21:24:58.348-04:00Change is good?<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
My first attempt at writing
after months of silence might be disappointing and fall short of inspiring
anyone, least of all me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> But it's important.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I could talk about the past few months and all the twists
and turns that happened before finally landing in my own home again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But lately, my focus has been on a different
kind of journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s been equally
daunting and it hasn’t been as simple as driving down winding roads, without
purpose or direction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Turns out a map or
general sense of the direction you’re heading in can be helpful, especially
when you are headed in a direction you’ve not yet been before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And trust me when I say I have never been
here before.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For now, I’m foregoing the move details except to say that a big part
of this move involved a lifestyle change and redefining what success looks
like, which served as a catalyst for all the change that followed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know what you’re thinking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s some mid-life crisis, where she goes off to
eat, pray, and love…not even close!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I believe that our entire life is a journey and there are so
many moments that fill up the time between destinations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s our choice how we decide to live those
moments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a kid, I think I let the best moments rise to the
surface, choosing to let the less than stellar moments and experiences sink to
the bottom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That has not always been the
case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were times when I was
consumed with the past, wondering about alternate outcomes and endings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And as time went by, I realized that looking
back served little purpose and actually felt like a hindrance in trying to move
forward.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I moved forward, fully believing I’d left all the bad
stuff behind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when I say I moved
forward, I’m talking decades…not the past few months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when I say “bad stuff” I mean the same
kind of dysfunctional shit we all have to overcome unless you’ve lived a
charmed life and grew up within the proverbial white picket fence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know very few people who can claim that
childhood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’m not denying it could
exist for some.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have lived ahead of the past, not realizing it was lurking
in the present and impacting the person I was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I never realized that every bit of who I am is made up of every bit of
where I’ve been.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure, in principle,
that’s pretty basic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Experiences shape
who we are and give us perspective.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
in my case, it went a little deeper.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Without going off on a tangent about self-help and self-discovery,
suffice it to say that my past has impacted my future in every area of my life
for most of my time on earth, thus far.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>At this point, my first observation (one I’ll make more than once) is
that change is hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially when you
set about to change the very nature of how your life has been shaped…things
like unconscious behaviors and tendencies…I’ve come to compare it to the
equivalent of learning to breathe under water like snorkeling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It feels so weird and can put you in a
panic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It doesn’t feel right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It feels off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The idea of breathing in air, while submerged under water, shit…why
would you even try? But that is precisely what I had to do in order to break a
cycle that has dictated the way I have lived for my entire adult life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have been writing this blog for a little over two
years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve covered some tough issues
and shared a lot of personal struggles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think this past year has been one of the toughest….re-setting my normal
and choosing to change parts of me that were unhealthy, yet still felt vital
for every day living (and importantly, breathing!). Change is fucking hard and
so is breathing under water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
learning to do both.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What do I mean by unhealthy?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I need to be cautious in my approach and attempt at self-analysis in the
presence of strangers and friends of varying degrees of closeness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People who know me well are going to know that
I’m just moving to a new level of learning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They’ll know that learning is what I love the best, but resist the most
(yeah, I’m always the one that in spite of my own stubbornness and need to
believe I know what I need to know…time and time again, I am surprised by how
very little I really do know).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve learned to accept that my view on life is
constantly shifting and changing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
think life would be easier if we all kept an open frame of mind and were
willing to adapt and adjust expectations when we actually have a little more
information.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because fuck, ignorance
never changes if that’s the only reality you’re willing to accept…the one you
started with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess you could follow
life with blinders on, avoid people and situations where you don’t understand
something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay, yeah, remaining
ignorant is an option for some.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It could
never be for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every time I face
something I don’t understand, I ask questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I want to know and learn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want
to grow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Growth is synonymous with
change, and I’ve already said it’s fucking hard…but growth?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once you’ve moved a little further along and
reached a moment where you can feel the growth?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It makes the rest worthwhile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Growth is something you sit with at the end of the day…hell, probably even
more so at the end of your life, and can feel the solid strength within your
spirit…you’re centered and standing firm in life, still ready to accept new
learnings, but with a rock solid base that represents years of fine tuning and
growth…I imagine it to be like the way you feel on those days when you wake up
and conquer something big.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe it’s a
meeting, something you did for your kids, or something as simple as speaking
your mind instead of remaining silent when someone said something you knew was
wrong and felt it was important enough to defend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Learning to grow more and in ways I didn’t know where to
start…I finally realized that it boiled down to my own reflection and how I see
myself each day. I am my own worse enemy as the saying goes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one is harder on me than me. The very
biggest hurdle I face is something most of us fight every day of our life, which
can also determine how aggressively we tackle life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For me, fear has manifested in a lot of ways depending upon
the situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The key here, though, is
the response it has elicited in me when confronted with fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being afraid makes us behave in ways we’d
rather not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It quickly turns us into
irrational creatures that barely resemble the people we could be with a little
more faith and confidence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think about
the Titanic and the real fear people faced.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Theirs was a clear and present danger. </span>They didn’t want to drown or die.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I also don’t believe they wanted to cause harm to anyone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And yet they swamped the boats, giving little
regard to the safety of those already inside, fueled by that primal survival
instinct. I haven’t faced that dire kind of circumstance, but I can tell you
that I’ve faced other fears that, through my flawed lens through which I filter
life, left me feeling just as desperate to cling to a life raft, with an
irrational belief that if I let go or even loosened my grip, I would find
myself alone and abandoned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Big
observation…it doesn’t matter how hard you try or what you do to try to
influence change in an outcome that has already been pre-determined.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, I’d argue that undue effort and
influence can actually change the outcome to reflect exactly what you don’t
want to see happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have found this to
be true in all aspects of life, from careers and jobs, friends and family…end
to end, every relationship that has touched my life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
ugly truth I’ve been beating around the bush about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My truth and fear since childhood…fear of
abandonment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I remember being left behind as a
child (no, I wasn’t an orphan and there’s no big story behind this other than
the one that makes it clear my childhood didn’t have a white picket
fence).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So in every relationship that
came after those first few critical ones forged from childhood, I have carried
that same fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t know it at the
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But shit, I know I swamped a few
boats in my youth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was so sure I was
drowning…that the call for help would never come.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>History and experience taught me to expect
the worse and even when it didn’t come, I think I had some kind of self
sabotage happening … like when I felt vulnerable or exposed, I instinctively
wanted to pull closer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to know
with complete certainty that I was safe and would not be left behind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t think of a better way to destroy
relationships than lacking the self-confidence to believe that you are worthy
of having one in the first place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve
never liked conflicts and have avoided them whenever possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never learned how to resolve something
without ending it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> That had to change as well.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve stayed in places that were rotten and decaying
(metaphorically speaking) because I was paralyzed with fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a broad assessment of relationships
and situations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From career paths to
life choices to personal relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because
change is fucking hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So hard I
sacrificed all else to avoid growth…until now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Would I have willingly taken myself down this road if I’d
known how difficult it would be?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Honestly?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shit no!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Would you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I guess it’s a good
thing I didn’t see it coming because this has been one of the most important
areas of growth for me and has helped to reset my life in a way I did not
believe was possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know many
people who are willing to breathe water and learn to choke panic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not a heroic individual and I know I have
limitations. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I nearly reached them over
this past year.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But once I was forced to breathe under water, I was able to open
my eyes (after a long struggle and period of denial) and see myself for who I
was and not who I thought I had become.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I didn’t like what I saw.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure,
the essence of “who I am” remains and I like who I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the “how I was” that created issues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt shame and embarrassment just admitting
my fears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I consider myself to be fairly
put together and able to tackle most challenges.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am asked for advice from others often and I
think my guidance is sound.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Saying out
loud that I have a deep seeded fear of being left behind doesn’t fit with that
equity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And after reading this, I might
lose a few people on the list, who see me as a resource for counsel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What few people realize is that some of the
most fucked up people have the best advice!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because we’ve lived it and while we might not choose to follow our own
advice, it’s still sound and born out of life experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So maybe still ask…and consider it sage
advice indeed!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you wake up one
day, and realize you aren’t the person you want to be, you’re going to be
disappointed and you’re going to want to fix it. I was afraid it was too late
to change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because change is fucking
hard (yes, I’m saying it again and again because it was and it still is).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I started by taking a more conscious approach to living.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it’s a way of life many would avoid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think about everything…that might not sound
different from what I did before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
the focus has changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I used to think
too much about uncontrollable things…other people, circumstances, life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I think about how I am responding to it
all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ask myself every day what I want
out of life and remind myself that I am no longer some scared kid waiting for
the bottom to drop out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In most
instances, it won’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And if it does,
it’s not a reinforcement of my inner fear or confirmation that my fear was
valid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s fucking life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shit happens and it isn’t always what we
expected or wanted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We pick ourselves
back up and keep going.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another
observation is that the next logical correlation to the fear of being abandoned
is the fear of being alone…thankfully, I conquered that a long time ago an<span style="font-size: 12pt;">d am quite
comfortable in my own skin.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I don’t have
a complete answer, but I’m on the right track.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">
</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So that fear I have of being abandoned?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did I overcome it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, it’s still there and it pushes my buttons at times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shit doesn’t change overnight and maybe it
will never leave entirely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the way I
respond to it has.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the first time in
my life, I see myself for the very imperfect being that I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see so many flaws and I just have to laugh
sometimes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t tell you whether or
not I’ll fix them all before this journey’s end (well yeah, I can…I won’t…not
even come close, but I’ll still try).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
want to be a better person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to
feel good about that person staring back at me every morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I think I’ve reached a comfort level
now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m still full of the past, but I
have not let fear win out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t see
weakness as a character flaw of mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not because I don’t feel weak or scared sometimes…but because admitting it means I will get
stronger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just like working out and
losing weight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will get stronger and
better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And just like working out, it’s
a personal competition that needn’t be measured against anyone else’s success.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And always…always…still a work in
progress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p>M</o:p></div>
Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-2850174425436553222017-10-26T08:31:00.000-04:002017-10-26T08:31:16.966-04:00RecoveryOkay...it's not what you think. I've been locked out of my account for four months and have been unable to post anything! Today, I successfully recovered access and control over my Blogger account. I tried absolutely everything, including all the steps and blog guidance I found online.<br />
<br />
So what finally worked? I remembered my second to last password, which triggered my recall for the one after that LOL. I have now updated email address from the Time Warner Cable account that was closed months ago and I am back in business!<br />
<br />
More to come...Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-55011116229930551192017-05-20T08:48:00.002-04:002017-05-20T08:48:21.173-04:00Beyond the Ice Age?<div class="MsoNormal">
A little over two years ago, I started my Old School
Journaling Blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It provided me with a
creative outlet to share my thoughts and stories…life lessons I picked up along
the way as we all do. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I also used this blog to share my first book, a collection
of letters, stories, and poetry that, once cobbled together, became a timeline
of my early childhood and adulthood.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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After having published my first book, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Following the Path of the Dinosaurs; A Childhood Saved <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6vcFDY-F-J94cRODon48pQqLpTmnJjRITxfLTDDwWsYjF34vyXoIm2JxbhRFUcF8VFzHr5atn5vIwaX4usry4WXxnLI0HOx846frPTwsH0OiEeQPiUoAuQDG6qsvOTEG-qd0kPTQ9Uyk/s1600/book.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6vcFDY-F-J94cRODon48pQqLpTmnJjRITxfLTDDwWsYjF34vyXoIm2JxbhRFUcF8VFzHr5atn5vIwaX4usry4WXxnLI0HOx846frPTwsH0OiEeQPiUoAuQDG6qsvOTEG-qd0kPTQ9Uyk/s320/book.jpg" width="206" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I should have "looked inside" more.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
From Extinction</i>,
I believed I’d slayed all my monsters and was on a path to being a more
confident and healthy individual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d
clearly identified first, how I’d followed the steps of my parents and their
behaviors (Following the Path of the Dinosaurs), figured out why I made the
choices I had in the past (Lingering Footprints), and finally moved past all
these dysfunctions and turned behaviors from my childhood into more positive
and healthier choices in the future (Beyond the Ice Age).<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I still like the three-part analogy and see it as completely
relevant in moving forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But events
and circumstances that have occurred since 2015 has led me to re-examine
whether or not I am indeed, in that golden place of having survived and moved
past the Ice Age so to speak and into a brighter and sunnier future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My conclusion is that I have not and that I
am still stuck somewhere between the “Lingering Footprints” of my childhood and
family and just short of being free and among the living, “Beyond the Ice Age.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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If you haven’t read the book, some of this won’t make sense
(if you’d like to read it, here’s a link to Amazon to purchase <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Following-Path-Dinosaurs-Childhood-Extinction/dp/1512243795/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1495281988&sr=8-1&keywords=mary+niehaus+ralles">https://www.amazon.com/Following-Path-Dinosaurs-Childhood-Extinction/dp/1512243795/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1495281988&sr=8-1&keywords=mary+niehaus+ralles</a>
).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Writing the story of my childhood had a much bigger impact
than I first imagined.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t until
later, that I realized that purging my soul had set yet another catalyst into
motion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A catalyst that would force me
to examine my life once again, reminding me that I was still on a journey and
that my learning was incomplete…stymied and stalled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have talked about ignorance before, willingly admitting
that there are often areas I simply don’t know anything about and I’m still seeking
to learn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are times in my life
where I have welcomed the opportunity to learn and others, when it was too
painful and difficult…and I resisted, preferring to hide my head in the sand
rather than face any new truths that might challenge the grounding I thought
I’d found.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Awakenings and enlightenment
seldom come quietly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You don’t go to bed
one evening and awake with a new wisdom and strength you didn’t have the day
before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, in my experience,
enlightenment is a by-product of a very difficult path or journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And more often than not, the journey contains
a high degree of uncertainty, with constantly changing variables.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Variables that require you to react and
respond faster than you’re comfortable with, leaving you in active peril of
choosing too quickly or relying upon incomplete facts or assumptions that could
result in…that could result in…hell, who am I kidding?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are all in that same environment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s called “life” and it’s completely
unpredictable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we’re lucky, our
internal compass is well developed and we’ve had a solid foundation in growing
up and learning how to make healthy choices.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We’ve learned by observation in the first family we came into life
with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We know what is right and wrong
based upon how that family unit operated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We know how to feel about ourselves, and others because we were taught
from an early age what appropriate behaviors and boundaries were.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But here’s the thing…there will always be variations to our
reality and norm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because every family
unit grew up in a different reality, operating with a different set of
rules.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that’s not all bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It brings diversity and growth into future
families and relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It helps us
to give and get empathy and understanding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And it enables growth for future relationships.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But what happens to those of us who may not have been quite
so “lucky” in experiencing a charmed life in childhood?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What about those of us, who grew up thinking
our reality was safe and normal, only to learn later that everything we grew up
believing to be true…was not necessarily healthy?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What happens when we wake up and realize
that we were conditioned to operate in a reality and norm that was built on a
foundation of dysfunction…a set of rules that perhaps helps us reach survivor
status as adults, but prevents us from re-establishing rules that fit for us
now in a healthier environment, where we have a chance to not just merely exist
and survive, but to thrive with brilliance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want to thrive with brilliance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to leave fear behind and find
excitement when I look at unlimited possibilities…instead of feeling paralyzed
in fear of making the wrong choices.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
may still want to hide.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know I will
still be afraid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I won’t be so
afraid that I stay standing still at this single point in time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My life is evolving rapidly, with significant
changes happening in virtually every corner of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am leaning heavily on the wonderful truth
that we all suffer from; the affliction of being human.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know there is no perfection to be had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even still, I have to believe we all have the
opportunity to thrive brilliantly if we keep putting one foot in front of the
other…even at times when we don’t know where we will ultimately end up.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I think I’ve just written the introduction to a sequel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As with everything else I’ve shared, I invite
you to join me on this journey as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m taking that first step and I can assure you, I have no idea where it
will lead me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a few guides on
this path, including a few new books I’ve read.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ll share as I go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And this
time, I hope to move a little further beyond the “Ice Age.”<o:p></o:p></div>
Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-76998566434383357042017-05-01T21:11:00.003-04:002017-05-01T21:11:41.192-04:00Ted Talks and the Real Stories in Life<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been working on my 100 day plan, which, so far, has
included attending two of the recent <a href="https://tedcinema.com/">Ted
Cinema Experiences</a>, where I was able to watch some of the <a href="https://ted2017.ted.com/">2017 Ted Talks</a> live from my local
theater.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxbs7mgeAn0SRdpHg5_EaeuJIDQU7HcMuAyqI8MW1_wwNX3WPopojoBuc24iUFjNXNOt8o8c1DfsfxT5bjqu4ofI16nkfV1yKgY2TUs_N5A2uCY9mhSDuLbXLLcEyvEjMegsK-OZPE1go/s1600/IMG_4399.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxbs7mgeAn0SRdpHg5_EaeuJIDQU7HcMuAyqI8MW1_wwNX3WPopojoBuc24iUFjNXNOt8o8c1DfsfxT5bjqu4ofI16nkfV1yKgY2TUs_N5A2uCY9mhSDuLbXLLcEyvEjMegsK-OZPE1go/s320/IMG_4399.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This year’s theme was about the future, spanning topics from
data security to artificial intelligence to alternate energies and how we, as
individuals, will need to help shape and envision how we get there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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One of the things I’ve always loved about Ted Talks is that
the topic is rarely the real story, and the true inspiration begins when we
meet ordinary people, often facing seemingly insurmountable challenges, who go
on to make extraordinary things happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have “met” some of my favorite thought leaders via video
links on Facebook (<a href="https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability">Bren<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">é Brown</span></a><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Lucida Grande";"> </span></b>and most recently <a href="https://www.inc.com/damon-brown/tim-ferriss-reveals-a-simple-smart-way-to-conquer-fear-now.html">Tim
Ferriss</a>).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is always some
irresistible hook that draws me in and makes me hungry for more knowledge, more
insights, more connection and a deeper level of understanding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The kind of stimulation and perspective that
commands my attention and jumps ahead and past all the other social media
competing for my stream of consciousness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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And in having engaged in an almost daily practice of seeking
out Ted Talks online to re-charge my battery and re-engage, I’ve also made a
few observations for advertisers and content creators:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->It’s very difficult to compete with real people.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->It’s impossible to win against authenticity (so
keep it real).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->The best content is a two-way conversation that
invites dialogue.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Sharing a story online means letting go of the
belief that you are the only one holding the pen and you may not get to write
the ending.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Some of the best stories have surprise endings
and catch us off guard long enough to open our minds and consider more…as an
advertiser or content creator, this is a privilege we share and an opportunity
to do more (so do more!).<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jumping back into the real world, I am reminded that those
same thought leaders whose ideas have risen up and bubbled over…began just as
simply as you and I and others from every walk of life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And my current gait and pace in walking through life right
now has reached an optimal speed that has enabled me to meet other thought
leaders, who may never reach a Ted stage.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The first I met last week, while waiting on a friend for
lunch. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He looked to be in his
mid-twenties and seemed quite happy with life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s funny how willing people are to make a connection and share when
you are living outside your own bubble and with an openness to simply caring
about someone else’s existence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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In the time it took for my friend to arrive, I learned that
this young man was quite happy with his job waiting tables.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had previously worked at another food
chain and had been trying for months to get a job at this establishment…a “mom
and pop” type restaurant that had been around for about 70 years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He talked happily about how every time he’d
come in, he knew all the people behind the counter and how he persisted in asking
a friend to make introductions and help him get a job there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said that after having finally landed the
job, he loved the work and people and that his workday always flew by.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He seemed to be personally vested in the
history of the place and proud to be a part of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He went on to say that he got really lucky
and that this was the best job he’d ever had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All that in ten minutes! Imagine what we might learn if we
listened more … during our every day encounters, in our workplace, and with our
employees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Employee loyalty is golden
and intrinsically tied to productivity and general job satisfaction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That would be my observation from a strategic
business perspective.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’m operating
on a deeper level these days…and my observations had more to do with enjoying a
finite point in time where I have the luxury of expanding out beyond my own
circumstances for a better understanding of others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And importantly, a better appreciation for
the moments I’m living in and a chance to be even more thankful for the journey
I’m on…and hoping to be half as lucky as this person I’d just met, in landing a
job that brings personal satisfaction and happiness.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My second encounter was with a young girl, who I met while
waiting for an appointment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was
sitting cross-legged on the floor, surrounded by several plastic containers of
beads and jewelry making paraphernalia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I couldn’t resist asking her about her crafts and she started talking
happily about how she was making items to sell at a church fashion show later that
day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She showed me several of the pieces
she’d finished, each one carefully placed in a zip lock baggie and priced with
a post it note.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was so impressed with
how confident and outgoing she was and immediately thought of <a href="https://leanin.org/book/">Sheryl Sandberg</a> and Lean In…seeing this
young girl as one of our future female leaders and entrepreneurs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her youthful determination and creative
spirit was like a breath of fresh air.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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She also had a super cute pair of dangly earrings I had to
have and I gave her a few suggestions for how she might market her creations
online.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But again, as with the waiter
earlier in the week, I again found myself getting way more than I gave in this
encounter as well.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think every time we meet someone, we have an opportunity
to learn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think that we all have life
topics that are only part of our story…and even without a microphone or stage,
we can inspire each other every day…if we take the time to listen.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
@maryralles<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://oldschooljournaling.blogspot.com/">http://oldschooljournaling.blogspot.com/</a><o:p></o:p></div>
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Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-19996055150153981032017-04-17T18:54:00.003-04:002017-04-17T18:55:09.493-04:00Almost ready to be amazing....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQVvKnI4-m7PMnyeQ66Q25PAV7CH2KB4aXNdXcuTrogwpYk3zwa46ZgFnvczuIRNDXikY3aMJciOO7nf5IHCMaFcc18o1-nMWrmoZyGSlJ2HXUWMPFAVnZKyaaDqvluRvuotZAleUH0Ic/s1600/awesomeness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQVvKnI4-m7PMnyeQ66Q25PAV7CH2KB4aXNdXcuTrogwpYk3zwa46ZgFnvczuIRNDXikY3aMJciOO7nf5IHCMaFcc18o1-nMWrmoZyGSlJ2HXUWMPFAVnZKyaaDqvluRvuotZAleUH0Ic/s400/awesomeness.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-77306968573291438962017-04-11T13:45:00.000-04:002017-04-11T13:45:11.518-04:00Those First 100 Days; Part II<div class="MsoNormal">
As I have begun my journey of self-discovery, I started by
examining patterns of places and things I’ve seen before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I immersed myself in repeating history over
and over again (translation:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have
watched marathon re-runs of Friends, Grey’s Anatomy, and CSI). <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Realizing there was only so much to be gained in laughing at
Chandler or lamenting with Meredith, around week two of my enlightenment phase,
I moved on to Ted Talks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve always found
them to be inspirational and they have always seemed to help put me into the
right frame of mind when I was seeking a higher
order of meaning for my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I’ve had a great deal of change happen in an incredibly
short amount of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I find myself
facing multiple decision points and suddenly with more time than I’ve had in
the past to reconsider my direction in life and where I’ll go next.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is something to be said for a frantic
schedule, no work life balance, and no time to consider the meaning of life…because
once you stop and stand still…once you hear the deafening silence that gets you
to that solitary path of self discovery, you find that you have moved too far
out of the norm and can’t reset and join the ranks again without a close
examination of your life…at the point you find yourself in the present and
where you want to be in the future.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Anyone who tells you how important it is to figure out what
you want out of life and what makes you happy…ask them if they’ve already
completed this task because I can assure you that it’s not an easy path to take
and I’d argue (with great passion) that at first glance, there is no obvious
value in such a bloodletting of thoughts and emotions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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There is this thing that greets me every morning when I wake
up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As soon as I open my eyes and
realize a new morning is creeping in, the prickling sensation of anxiety
immediately begins to wash all over my body and I try to close my eyes tightly
and shut out a new day, wishing that my journey to higher learning could disappear
and that all things that once felt familiar would return or that the new
familiar was already in place and I wasn’t still facing so much change.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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I feel like<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am spinning my wheels, stuck in the mud and
I can’t get enough traction to break free.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No matter how much momentum I start or how hard I push, the energy I put
forth is wasted and I am continually exhausting myself…I am burning myself out
before taking a single step in the direction of what I consider to be my new
path.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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It's a struggle to consider my future and make
decisions about tomorrow when I am searching for meaning right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My sense of urgency is mostly self-imposed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have the gift of time and an
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<br /></div>
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But <span style="font-size: 12pt;">I’ve never considered a stopping point in my life any more
than I’ve thought about where I started as an adult and in carving out my life.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I always just kept going…somehow found a way,
often without giving a lot of thought to why I made the decisions I made along the
way.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">The goal was always to <u>survive</u>, not
necessarily <u>thrive</u>. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">From the start, I think
I was on a different place on the pyramid of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I see that as a signal of success and
progress in knowing where I am now… seeking the very pinnacle of that pyramid …
self-actualization.</span></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve often heard that ignorance is bliss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve never had the luxury of that particular
joy…or maybe I did and wasn’t even aware at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s an oxymoron in itself, right? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How would you know?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d argue you know when you reach that tricky
place where you can’t unknow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And right
now, I find myself in the middle of that place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Which means there is no turning back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have to move forward with my newfound knowledge and find a way to
accept my new normal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And in this state,
I am feeling a greater responsibility to myself in truly pursuing that
self-actualization.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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One of the very first things I have realized about myself is
that there is something I require regardless of what path I take forward; I
need faith. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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It’s been absent in my life as of late. And after a lot of
free falling, I see now that it would have been easier to just let go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I should have spent less time and energy
fighting and resisting, trying to control everything. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure, it feels better when you believe you are
in control…until it doesn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until you
realize that being stubborn and refusing to wield doesn’t make you strong…it
makes you stupid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You remain ignorant
and can’t learn from anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Once you begin to learn, you realize the only real control
exists in the individual choices you make in how you handle all the
uncontrollable occurrences surrounding you in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Admitting that you need to let go is not an
admission of defeat or failure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a
state of enlightenment and higher level of awareness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m beginning to realize that my bounce…my Mary Poppins-like
disposition…well, it appears to be closely tied to that faith. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the past 50 years, regardless of the struggles
I faced, that optimism has always served me well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure, there have been disappointments and
surprises along the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But everything has
always turned out exactly as it was supposed to, regardless of whether or not
it happened in the way or order I expected it to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And at the very top of those “hierarchy of
needs,” I’ll appreciate that distinction as I go forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still work for me <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-78895139194864528922017-04-01T11:36:00.002-04:002017-04-01T11:36:42.151-04:00My First 100 Days Begin Today<div class="MsoNormal">
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<!--StartFragment--><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Typically, as a business leader new to an
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The average number of days to
see initial impact and results is around 100 days…though I’d argue there is no
magic number for making a difference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That milestone simply provides a platform for new leaders to step away
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indication that they’re still up for the challenge (translation:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“fake it until you make it”).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiegQ5x809FJZP2JupxSXFNQRzZl2L1ooAxwxAXA9jcjiBPE2Xd2Hfyg09rVpL5uSY4xFm3xLHSF5j2jKWxmJ8J16JnaSvYoSs3d9NKyc7A4Tg2x6XmIX_R9BeE3H7fI5vH7KFzxWNKqAs/s1600/IMG_6426.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="309" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiegQ5x809FJZP2JupxSXFNQRzZl2L1ooAxwxAXA9jcjiBPE2Xd2Hfyg09rVpL5uSY4xFm3xLHSF5j2jKWxmJ8J16JnaSvYoSs3d9NKyc7A4Tg2x6XmIX_R9BeE3H7fI5vH7KFzxWNKqAs/s320/IMG_6426.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Last Day Happy Hour</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For me, I find myself working with a much wider and completely
blank canvas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am no longer constricted
by a specific role or position.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am no
longer shackled by the parameters for which one would usually work within at a
company. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After 19 years of waking to the familiar expectations of a
single organization, this morning I awoke to complete freedom. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could choose to do a post mortem analysis,
but one of my commitments to myself is that I not waste another second on
anything that no longer holds personal value to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And in this instance, there is little doubt
in my mind as to how I arrived at this conclusion and decision to move on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And there is no value in looking back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve already celebrated every milestone,
lived every victory, and enjoyed every success firsthand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Beginning today, I work for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not suggesting that I’m embarking on a
new business venture, though I am not leaving that off my blank canvas as a
future possibility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, what I’m saying
is that for the first time, I am in a position to take a step back and consider
exactly what it is I want to be doing with my next fifteen to twenty years in
the way of a career.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when I say, “I
work for me,” I mean that while I am ready, willing, and able to deliver great
results for the company of my choosing…at the end of the day, my objectives
have shifted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My work ethic commands nothing
short of my full focus and attention. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But my personal journey has now intersected
with my professional journey and from this point forward, I will either need a
role that feeds my soul for the areas that touch me the most or the role will
need to align with my expertise and ability to deliver great results, thus
enabling me to work towards future goals that feed my soul and keep my heart
and mind alive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In short, I’ll work for a company so long as it works for me
too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I accept the transactional nature of
employment and changing business needs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
if a company can’t inspire me to be my very best, those changing business needs
flow in both directions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Over the next 100 days, I’ll be closely examining what the
work looks like and my strategy for success.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m carving out my own vision this time, and once I’m clear on that
landscape, I’ll have a better idea of the kind of company and people I want to
surround myself with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now if you’ll excuse me, there is a fire hose I need to get
back to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One thing I know for sure…once
you begin a journey of this proportion, there is no turning back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will be overwhelmed, afraid, and at times,
even remorseful for having set upon this journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will wish I could pull a Dorothy and spin
back to Kansas with some rocking red shoes. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I know that the only guarantee I have now
(and spoiler alert…this applies to everyone at any point in life) is that there
are no guarantees about anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because just as quickly as I put a plan to paper and pen, the variables
change and I immediately need to adjust to changing road conditions and
accommodate the areas I can’t change. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I consider this time in my life to be an awakening of
sorts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I challenge you to similarly
take stock in life, and think about your own awakening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not saying go to extremes and make a
complete u-turn on life…but when you don’t pause on where you’re headed,
sometimes you miss the chance to change course and direction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s still taking shape for me, but a recurring
theme in my own awakening has been that all the materialistic things I’ve spent
years collecting and surrounding myself with have lost their appeal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The days when I struggled to pay bills in my
youth were actually the days when I was more sure of myself and confident in my
ability to do whatever I wanted to do with life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I believed it was as simple as setting my
mind towards something and making it happen. And in most instances, that proved out as being correct and exactly what was required.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is a risk-averse mindset that creeps in as we get older,
taking with it our early hopes and dreams.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m guilty of it and I’m now trying to reset the way I think about life
and my approach to everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t get
me wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I fight anxiety on a daily
basis, worrying about absolutely everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But my observations over the course of my lifetime have proven to me
time and time again that I always learned and benefited the most from the times
in my life when I faced the biggest challenges or uncertain futures.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’m still swinging and ready for the next
round.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More to come… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-39652117360950873162016-12-31T10:40:00.001-05:002016-12-31T10:40:48.220-05:00“Gotta Have Faith”<div class="MsoNormal">
In 2016, we were all sad to see so many iconic figures leave
this world…reminding us all that as young as we feel, we all share the same
human affliction of mortality.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And as the last days of 2016 have come to a close, we’ve all
kind of held our breath…after having heard, almost daily, of more losses.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll be the first to admit that it’s kind of silly to take a
celebrity death so seriously.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’m
not sure that’s what’s really even happening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For me, I think it has more to do with what they represent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you hear of 50 something and 60
something people “passing away” suddenly, it gives you pause.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You start to think about your own mortality,
and feel sad to see so much of what made up your own history and coming of age
moments…well, leave us behind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s way
more exciting to be reading about a come back tour as a headline…and we won’t
see one now for the Eagles or David Bowie. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjDzv5sQ1L3ZNHbBD-i8u4x2EBSSUeWbPS76y86BqNw61v1u91j2cWJHPNtf5eNPhfdEVIUovjUc2rGdiXKjQZRuRHouyp7HjG6U_vfhrgjQHbMkINMnBuH6DrfqkERsTu1Ri-LnlBbtI/s1600/star-wars-new-hope-honest-trailer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjDzv5sQ1L3ZNHbBD-i8u4x2EBSSUeWbPS76y86BqNw61v1u91j2cWJHPNtf5eNPhfdEVIUovjUc2rGdiXKjQZRuRHouyp7HjG6U_vfhrgjQHbMkINMnBuH6DrfqkERsTu1Ri-LnlBbtI/s320/star-wars-new-hope-honest-trailer.jpg" width="320" /></a>It doesn’t get any more epic for me than Star Wars to freeze
a moment from my childhood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And thinking
about one of the first modern day damsels in distress turned heroine in
disguise…well yeah, it makes me sad to know the person, who played the
character has died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Carrie Fisher was a
champion for many things in real life, well beyond her reign as Princess Leia.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiahxSwsmkyR-osz8UmWR6O-uIz2OPfXIPCe4wBH6BsodwKs8s6bOdO5U8Gf8xYMt2oMKbNk2y92AhH9jFBcLs06wajIAxfpPrehgSgK4PpK9jubCb5ywictQL7MSoeiT2OiVxr1BMlyVs/s1600/glenn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiahxSwsmkyR-osz8UmWR6O-uIz2OPfXIPCe4wBH6BsodwKs8s6bOdO5U8Gf8xYMt2oMKbNk2y92AhH9jFBcLs06wajIAxfpPrehgSgK4PpK9jubCb5ywictQL7MSoeiT2OiVxr1BMlyVs/s1600/glenn.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can still remember my Sony “boom box,” sitting on top of
the white split rail fencing that encircled my grandparents’ yard on the farm…where
I would indulge in my own fantasy world of “Footloose,” only I was bopping to
“When Doves Cry” or “Jesse’s Girl” (afraid to say that out loud…Rick’s still
with us, right?).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And David Bowie, on
MTV, looking strange and exotic…unique, intriguing and terrifying all at once…with
that unmistakable and incredibly sultry voice…with songs like “Let’s Dance,” and
“Under Pressure” (awesome mix with Queen; Freddie Mercury, another gone too
soon) <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoDh_gHDvkk">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoDh_gHDvkk</a>.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And my personal favorite, “Space
Oddity”…only I had to look that up because I always thought it was called
“Major Tom…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then the real life
hero, John Glenn, who made history well beyond our own lifetimes, with the
claim to fame as having been the first American to orbit Earth…and then went
back in space at 77!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s freaking
amazing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Godspeed to you, Mr. Glenn.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /><br /><br />
<span style="background: white;">“I'm stepping through the door</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">And I'm floating in a most peculiar way</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">And the stars look very different today</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">For here</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Am I sitting in a tin can</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Far above the world</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Planet Earth is blue</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">And there's nothing I can do”</span></span></i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They say nothing makes us remember like a familiar
song.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Somehow, losing these familiar
melodies in our lives brings a little tinge of melancholy to our own glory days
(Bruce…still with us, right?).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eagles lead singer, Glen Frey, another loss in
2016…transcends decades of fans and too many hit songs to pick just one (though
Hotel California is the first that comes to mind).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And funniest memory would be the reunion tour
for this band, dubbing their album “Hell Freezes Over” (1994), because that’s
when they collectively said what would have to happen for them to reunite…but
staying relevant has a way of changing our minds, right?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And Gene Wilder…what an awesome talent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From Young Frankenstein to Willy Wonka (the
real Willy Wonka…sorry Depp man, but I wasn’t a fan of the remake)…amazing
actor, who knew how to make people laugh out loud (long before LOL shorthand we
use in texting).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKf0C-bAOQbVS-9Q9DtdqYxqirGOhwvjzk8kniRozj7wPCT960zM3BnZIoYaZjgpGU5dTaKFUwmS85Deth9B8XK-zwuZuX-EMsMJuJs5bnKxR6Hws1ZcbE76XjhPgHsluK07qNHcu799E/s1600/gene-wilder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKf0C-bAOQbVS-9Q9DtdqYxqirGOhwvjzk8kniRozj7wPCT960zM3BnZIoYaZjgpGU5dTaKFUwmS85Deth9B8XK-zwuZuX-EMsMJuJs5bnKxR6Hws1ZcbE76XjhPgHsluK07qNHcu799E/s320/gene-wilder.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Behind the scenes was no less tragic, as we said goodbye to
Gary Marshall, who was responsible for the best Tuesday night line up
ever…Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley, Three’s Company (1978).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Marshall was the creator of both Happy Days
and Laverne and Shirley.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the spinoff
from Happy Days, Mork and Mindy, was a great show on Thursday nights (we are
still mourning the great loss of Robin Williams in 2014).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, how do we make sense of it all?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think we just gotta have “Faith” … <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lu3VTngm1F0">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lu3VTngm1F0</a>
(RIP George Michael).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thanks to all the bigger than life people, who we never met,
but whom left a lasting impression in our rear view mirror.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Interesting personal observation:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Country music has secured top ranking in my
Itunes playlist (though I also have a 1980s playlist that has most of what I
grew up on).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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</style>Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-91718431369020787402016-12-27T20:08:00.002-05:002019-01-21T21:54:36.817-05:00Life in Simplest of Terms...With a Tint of Rose<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3kR0KIKVUv3eo1jg0ecRzwRWAo3qHp6IBFBkl1bQWxC2zSyvMjA2gtW_sC-hfTGu3TrjHmolCoC-2mXay83Qg__5Uk2xBQFZTbtEGWdYGm-kEbXPcHmb3jjKejdwMdy7j6R8Jty47TuE/s1600/IMG_5432.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3kR0KIKVUv3eo1jg0ecRzwRWAo3qHp6IBFBkl1bQWxC2zSyvMjA2gtW_sC-hfTGu3TrjHmolCoC-2mXay83Qg__5Uk2xBQFZTbtEGWdYGm-kEbXPcHmb3jjKejdwMdy7j6R8Jty47TuE/s320/IMG_5432.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Loving Life Exactly as it Comes</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I never gave much thought to the old song by The Byrds,
“Turn, turn, turn…to everything there is a season….a time to every purpose,
under heaven.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s an adaptation from a
biblical verse in Ecclesiastes, which talks about there being a season for
everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Always liked the tune, but seldom gave it a
second thought.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But as I look back on 2016 and my own changing seasons, I see
a lot of truth in the words to this song.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For me personally, it was a time of great learning and growth…sometimes
fed by a hunger and passion to do and know more…and still other times in a way
I felt was a bit of kicking and screaming, reluctant to accept new realizations
and make room for growth within myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And in thinking of those simple seasons, I am reminded of
the garden I grew over the summer…a hodge podge of vegetables and fruit…and how
it helped me to come to appreciate life in its simplest of terms.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I have adopted this new lens for living, I am reminded of
a very special person from my childhood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is actually my mom’s best friend and I have always considered her to
be like a second mom to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is the
most optimistic and happy person I have ever met, and lives life through the
lens of the proverbial rose-colored glasses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For over three decades, in every card or note she sends, she
always signs it, “I love you, Mary Girl.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t know why, but that sweet endearment always gives me a warm
feeling inside and though its been at least ten years since I have seen her, I
feel loved and feel certain that if I were to see her again, it would be as if
no time had passed at all.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She is now in her 70s and has never had a driver’s
license.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She found that her two feet
always took her wherever she needed to go, and she always enjoyed the journey
along the way. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She could turn the
simplest of meals into the most elegant affair, simply by pouring apple juice
over ice into a couple of wine glasses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She would create an intimate atmosphere and talk aloud of how we would
make a dinner and I would hang on her every word…waiting to hear how we were
going to finish off the meal with fresh strawberries and shortcake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her mood and attitude was infectious and I loved spending
time with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She took pleasure in her
own garden, a garden full of plump red tomatoes growing from potted plants on
her small patio and front porch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each
evening, as she sprayed her sidewalk down with the hose, she would seem to
become lost in a daydream, with a faraway look in her eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Looking back, I think it was just a true and
genuine feeling of contentment for every single thing in her life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is the kind of person, who treasures
every second and never wastes a minute.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And while I have appreciated that unique perspective, I
never really saw myself as the kind of person, who had the knack for turning
everything into a positive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But in recent years, and in facing a few challenges and
struggles, I think maybe her early influence in my life rubbed off when I
wasn’t looking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In most of my writing
and in nearly every situation, I seem to take on a Mary Poppins-like
approach.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even in my darkest moments,
I’m still making sugar cookies out of whatever ingredients life hands me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And remembering how she always saw things as
a positive or as a sign that the path forward was not meant to be.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I used to laugh when I would see the snapshots she would
send to me of her garden, flowers, and vegetables…all carefully and reverently
posed on a counter or in a basket, with a note written on the back about where
she grew them, how they tasted, and who she was with.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well I’m here to tell you that she was a woman of vision and
innovation…and if Snapchat, Facebook, or Instagram had been a “thing” years
ago, she’d be a media maven to be reckoned with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because while many of us live our moments
online, one tweet or post at a time, this sweet lady has been living and
breathing … taking it all in for her own personal enjoyment, sometimes sharing
it with her close knit family and friends…since there was film that had to be
mailed away to be developed and printed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So when I think about my own sharing this past year…through
I-phone pictures and via Facebook, Blogger, and Instagram, I have to smile at
the thought that perhaps I was a late blooming protégé for this wonderful and
inspirational woman.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
See more here http://oldschooljournaling.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-window-to-my-soul21st-century.html </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I now see my life in the simplest and most rewarding terms
of measure …my life is a garden, subject to those changing seasons we all go
through. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And in 2016, there has been a time to weep, heal, break
down, and most importantly, a time for peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And to my dear friend, Gail…thank you for teaching me how to
make every moment in life special…with wine glasses, candles, and rose colored
glasses!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>May happiness and positive momentum follow us
all in 2017.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And may that special lens
help adjust the view for times less stellar as we all move through all the seasons
of life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your Mary-Girl<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhA9DmVwDlbP9go9rU7Klgi2v_FunHrZB-EZ_llc1eImk7AHZR99yNUJCN0GPyXpSj7nqAmqKUl9iqM6Vr4sb3jkvZPeS1YqpcktIsSH5uyEn5zsH6mwdlE0aGy4zs6zNiTYcY0UYtcDg/s1600/IMG_5431.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="76" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhA9DmVwDlbP9go9rU7Klgi2v_FunHrZB-EZ_llc1eImk7AHZR99yNUJCN0GPyXpSj7nqAmqKUl9iqM6Vr4sb3jkvZPeS1YqpcktIsSH5uyEn5zsH6mwdlE0aGy4zs6zNiTYcY0UYtcDg/s320/IMG_5431.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Taken from my Christmas letter this year...</td></tr>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4542832951276406569.post-72838396802184629282016-12-16T19:40:00.001-05:002016-12-16T19:40:30.417-05:00Life on the Ropes<div class="MsoNormal">
(First published 12/2015)<br />
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One of the many benefits of living and stretching out experiences over a lifetime is that you learn to take the good with the bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After a few false starts and dips that feel like a permanent condition, you learn that you never completely fall down and even if you do, you get back up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For around each of us is an invisible rope, releasing slack when we dip into a valley...then suddenly springing us back up and forward as we recover and continue to grow.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I used to worry about worse case scenarios and speculate about what I could and could not deal with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Turns out, over time, numerous worse case scenarios inevitably became a reality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Risk aversion just wasn’t a viable choice for day-to-day living and so some of those terrible things I thought I could never handle actually came to pass and I realized that I was more resilient than I gave myself credit for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve experienced divorce, the death of a parent, close friends…and many other disappointments that although may have given me pause, did not keep me down for very long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s funny how our risk taking behaviors are flexible and stretch wide in our youth…yet after a few scrapes and scars, we begin to pull in some of the slack as we get older.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We pause to check our surroundings, how far we’ve climbed…or fell…and consider how far we have left yet to go…where we’re still willing to go and equally important, if and when we reach a place we’re comfortable resting at.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I remember the first time I went repelling off a cliff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was around 30.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I seized the moment (okay maybe with shaky hands clinging tightly to a rope as I was strapped in and tried to quiet a slight twitch from my left leg and settle into a comfortable stance). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a lot riding on that decision as I stood on that rock overlooking a very beautiful and scenic Red River Gorge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My oldest son (then around five years old) was looking on to see what I would do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There I was…his mom, who always told him to embrace more, dream big, and live life to the fullest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clearly, backing out was not an option.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was one of those great big life moments I’d remember forever. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I was going to share the lesson even if it killed me in the process.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Two things stand out clearly in my mind from that day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First, leaning backward off a cliff is not a natural feeling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, a healthy fear tells us to walk carefully and stay away from the edge (heck, not turn away from it and walk backwards toward thin air and a deep plunge).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Second, you have to have complete faith in that person at the bottom serving as your belay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because the feeling of absolute terror just before your first kick off the top rock can be an adrenaline rush or an absolute nightmare, depending on your penchant for adventure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Personally, I’ve never been a big risk taker.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, I still worry a lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>About things that could happen, that have happened, and that may never happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’m okay with that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It just happens to be who I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But if I let it keep me from jumping off cliffs and into new adventures, that would be a problem for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I challenge myself every day to do things that make me nervous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I’ve lived long enough to know that anticipation and dread can be confused with each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I find that I always feel grateful for having committed to and having followed through with something that challenged me to do more than I was comfortable with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And yes, there is a lot of fear and angst along the way leading up to whatever “said epic event” happens to be. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all have our own dinosaurs to conquer.<o:p></o:p></div>
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And quite recently, at a time in my life when absolutely everything has been changing, I find myself re-assessing that line…and surprisingly, feeling the urge to loosen up the rope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead of cautiously looking over a cliff, I’m kicking backward off the highest rock, with the confidence of a lifetime reassuring me that I may well plunge to the bottom… and it will be way scarier than I ever imagined, and I’ll probably regret it about halfway down…but most importantly, I will still somehow get back up and live to climb another day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the tautness of my rope will depend on my natural born grit and intuitive gut that only comes from living a life in forward motion and without apology.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And some trustworthy belays along the way!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Still Following the Path of the Dinosaurs #followdinopath</div>
Mary L. Niehaushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03699904741212036346noreply@blogger.com0