I recently wrote an article about the surprisingly positive aspects of Covid-19 (link at end of article). While it was rewarding and uplifting to hear about how families pulled together and relationships that had been floundering finally thrived, there was this lingering feeling that the case numbers and death tolls were more than statistics and I wanted to have a conversation with friends about this as well…instead of all the media hype.
From my earlier article, I had asked three questions about what the biggest impact had been, how each person had adapted, and what the biggest learning was. This time, I simply let the stories unfold. Or rather a few personal stories, representative of so many others that make up the more than 135 million cases worldwide, since this started.
In January 2021, her husband and a close friend staying with them both took ill. Chris also tested positive. Surprisingly, her symptoms were mild, but her husband, Paul, became progressively worse, spending a night or two in the hospital, was sent home for a few days, only to have to return again with low oxygen levels. He had double pneumonia and his oxygen levels continued to decline. Ultimately, they were forced to put him on a ventilator.
Her husband’s condition worsened and he was transferred to different hospitals, with facilities better equipped to treat Covid patients. Chris was forced to take over all the finances and bills and running the house. Between taking care of everything at home, keeping up with her insulin, and running to the hospital, it began to wear Chris down. As a 10+ year chronic pain sufferer from fibromyalgia neuropathy, she struggled and felt overwhelmed.
“One of the hardest things about battling Covid, is that you don’t know what’s going to happen. It was months before we knew if he was going to pull through.”
Dowler’s friends and family began daily calls and posts on Facebook.
“It was exhausting trying to be strong and brave. I prayed and I got by with family and friends supporting me. I couldn’t always take their calls. Sometimes it was all too much. I tried to stay as positive as I could. I looked for the most positive thing. I started noticing the swans in a lake outside the hospital. I’d stop and watch them and take pictures before going into the hospital.”
As days and weeks turned into months, it became clear this was not a sprint and she had to pace herself.
“I started to think about future goals. I would tell Paul this is temporary and tell him where we could go for our 25th anniversary. And I knew that I needed to take care of myself both physically and mentally, so that I could be strong for my family.”
Chris continued, “It was touch and go all the time. I’d look for something positive on Facebook and share quotes and sayings. I swam at night to help relieve my nerve pain and stress. I started writing in my journal and kept my “visitor” stickers from each day I went to see Paul in the hospital. I’d paste them in my book. I had weak moments too. Sometimes I would leave and cry driving home from seeing him. To stay busy, I started working on a handicapped bathroom to prepare for his return home. I kept working on things we’d both started together and I started painting pictures each day to represent my mood and to let out what I was feeling inside. I’ve never painted before in my life, but I found some odd comfort and started “hiding” images and messages in the pictures. It’s been a game of sorts in sharing with my friends on Facebook and it has helped me a lot. I’ve done 15 so far and the first one looks a lot like a preschooler did it. I’ve watched a lot of Youtube vidoes and keep working on getting better.”
Chris has an informal support network as well, with two other friends, who have experienced similar struggles with their husbands contracting Covid and logging many days in ICU.
Miraculously, Paul is recovering. It’s a long haul and he will be in rehab for some time. But he has been taken off the vent and continues to make favorable progress. Chris continues with daily visits, which are now “window” view settings at the rehab where they stand outside the window and can talk by cell phone.
She’s continuing her painting and had some advice for those, who don’t believe this is a real concern:
“We didn’t worry about it either. You need to wear a mask and get the vaccine. He never expected to face a life threatening illness. He was in the middle of enjoying life, and riding his Harley. I would also like to say that in the middle of a global pandemic, no one is to blame for getting sick. We are all in this together and we need to support each other.”
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Her boyfriend, Mo, is an independent tattoo artist, who had just opened a new shop, was forced to close for three months.
“It was a tough time and very difficult for him. Tattooing is his life and passion. Shutting down came at the worse possible time. Fortunately, he was able to sell art and designed a few shirts, which helped keep us financially afloat. It was a scary few months, not knowing if or when life would ever return to normal.”
Bonz also had friends, with family members who were severely ill. A common theme was loneliness in maintaining the health care restrictions and the duration of uncertainty in not knowing whether or not their loved ones would pull through.
Shortly after Christmas 2020, Bonz came down with Covid. In her early 30’s, she would not be considered an at risk group.
“As careful as we were, and as diligent as I was with my PPE at work, I still contracted it. Initially, I was more concerned with giving it to my mom, who’s a smoker, or Mo (boyfriend). I was sicker than I have ever been and was off work a full two weeks. It was difficult to do even simple tasks at home and merely going down the flight and a half of stairs at home completely wore me out. It put into perspective for me how many felt when businesses closed those first few months of the pandemic. It definitely weighed upon me mentally and there were days when I would just cry because I was tired of waking up and still feeling so awful. It felt like it would never end. I’m grateful I didn’t end up in the hospital and I know I’m lucky. I was still very afraid I would be a “long hauler” or never return back to 100%. I continued with an elevated heart rate for about a month after.”
“Life felt slower. I look back at last spring and summer and it feels like a dream. We had so much more time to be outside and hike and adventure. We did a lot of cooking and my mom and I even started a garden. Overall, it reminded me that the simple things in life are truly the greatest. Time spent with my family and outside in nature is so important to me.”
Going forward, some of the most helpful tips shared:
- Do not assign blame.
- Reach out to people in need.
- Be patient. Understand that updates and progress are slow; calls and social media posts will not always be forthcoming.
- If you don’t know what to say, send a picture of the sunrise or something else that will lift spirits.
- Help create informal networks of support. Facebook messenger and social media can be a force for good.
- Avoid statistics and politics; focus on people and families.
I’ll add one more…simply be kind. It goes a long way!
To read Part I, go to: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/employers-advertisers-entrepreneurs-relevancy-post-2020-mary-ralles/?trackingId=10QOABjMH06Kn7t5Svlstg%3D%3D
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