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| One of my little super heroes |
Like most people, I usually start the year off with a bunch
of new year resolutions…commitments to become better organized, establish a routine,
work out, and drop a few pounds.
At the end of last year, I did more than shed a few pounds,
though my jeans size remains the same. I
joined the ranks of single parenthood. And
for every ending, there is a new beginning and for 2016, I wanted to create a
bubble of serenity around an otherwise insane world and hectic schedule.
If you’re reading this, you know we haven’t even moved out
of the first month of the new year…and you already know that I failed miserably
in creating that bubble. And said bubble
eludes us all; but still we all keep trying!
I’d like to say that I did absolutely everything and this transition has been smooth…but I can’t. There may be inequities and the scales may
feel more heavily weighted in one direction, but I am now convinced that this
one woman show is having a few growing pains with two boys, who, at the moment,
bear a striking resemblance to Bevis and Butthead in their current
pre-pubescent state.
Catch phrases like, “deez nuts” and ridiculous Youtube
quotes like, “he needs some milk” send them both into fits of laughter, leaving
me to choose my battles carefully.
Especially when they continue to feed off each other’s laughter and
explode into nonsensical hysteria more when I put my “stern mom” face on.
And if a little silliness was all I had to contend with, I
could handle that just fine. In fact,
it’s a camaraderie and closeness I see growing where they were more indifferent
before. I like it – so many other
by-products of single parenthood involve therapy later in life. I'm taking this one as a positive sign.
This new normal requires a completely new toolbox of tactics to manage work and life balance. They say it takes a village, so here goes (and I welcome any others that are constructive or have humor in entertainment
value…I’m more than happy to post and share!):
1.
Yes, there are dishes in the sink when you go
to bed…and they will be there in the morning too. Even if you have a dishwasher, someone has to
load it. And if it breaks, remember it’s
expendable and you grew up in a house where there was only a sink and dish
drain.
2.
There’s no such thing as a sock monster,
but I have no rational explanation for where my kids’ socks disappear to
between the time they are peeled off their stinky feet and work their way back
into the laundry room as a solo act. I
did create a matching game, though. For
every matched pair, they get a quarter.
I’ll let you know how that goes.
3.
If you have more than one child, you will
never know who broke it…doesn’t matter what “it” is.
4.
Kids can be bribed and if you’re not
above that, consider Cosmic PVP for Minecraft, @Cosmic_PVP, with virtual ranks
and chests. Today, a small virtual chest
was exactly what it took to get my 11-year-old to shovel the sidewalk…and it
didn’t take long for word to spread to the 13-year-old, who took care of the driveway.
5.
Kids spend too much time on computers and
video games; if they didn’t, we wouldn’t have anything to take away. Just need to find a way to make it work in
the right direction.
6.
If you decide to wait a kid out to see if
they will finally do something, my personal best is that every cup in the
house was dirty, some with caked and dried sour milk…with the remainder
resembling some kind of a science experiment.
Although I had better success with laundry, leaving their dirty clothes
in their rooms until they realized they would not have anything to wear if they
didn’t put them down the laundry chute.
7.
To save face, in my case, I threw away every
plastic cup in the house (without exception) and purchased plastic,
disposable cups.
8.
To save the planet, once I’d moved out of
crisis mode, and we created a family plan to each have a single cup for which
we are responsible for drinking out of and washing for re-use.
9.
I hate laundry…I’ve always hated laundry
and just to spite me, when I began keeping up with it in earnest, the
15-year-old dryer was kind enough to break, with the motor seizing up beyond
possible repair. I guess the shock was
too much for it.
10.
I’m a confident 21st century
woman, but I still don’t like dealing with any kind of installation or service…suffice
it to say I did not know where the gas valve shut-off was, and by the time I
found out, the delivery men were long gone.
Thank goodness for great friends or I’d still be drying my clothes over
the gas fireplace (which by the way, works really fast and can melt some
fabrics fairly quickly…approach with caution).
11.
Creating a calendar and schedule, with
chores and time limits only works if everyone reads said calendar and tasks are
enforced, with consequences. (TBD)
12.
No matter how hard you try, you’ll always be too
easy on your kids…guilt will always work.
13.
While your kids are praying for a snow delay,
you are canceling out their requests with your own…please God, if there is
any schedule interruption, let it be an entire snow day that doesn’t affect my
morning commute…a 90 minute delay would decimate any hope for a smooth Monday.
14.
Kids say the darnedest things…both their
dad and I have been on the receiving end of Bevis and Butthead and trying to
have a serious conversation about preparing them for the new normal. According to the boys, dating = sex, sex =
Viagra, and “you don’t have to be lonely at farmersonly.com.” And if you think this makes me uncomfortable,
you’re wrong…I think my kids are hysterical and in between the punch lines, I
make it a point to reset their world views formed from television, internet,
and observations. And when they are in
complete fits of laughter, I occasionally crack a smile…because life is funny
and you can’t take it too seriously.
15.
Kids say the darnedest things Part II…apparently,
I am a mom and not allowed to be anything more…but dads are allowed to date and
have sex according to my kids (because they are men and that’s what men
do). I CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP
16.
Kids will gang up on you and your former
spouse/co-parent if you let them…they will expose every weakness, play
every broken dysfunction of your former family.
It’s important to remember that this was true before becoming a single
parent…and the only reason it works now is because of guilt (see #12 above).
17.
Once you can accept imperfection, your life
will feel a little more perfect.
18.
Of all the mistakes you think you may have
made, the choice to become a parent will never be one of them.
19.
Because the choice to become a parent will
never feel like a mistake, don’t be too hard on yourself for other life choices. You can’t have one without the other.
#followthedinopath
Good
Luck!
M
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